Family Ties
by tiffo the chicken flea
Summary: Behold the never updating story. prepare yourself for more angsty fayespike fun! SEQUEL! Takes place a month after my first story 1night 8years
1. Dreamcatcher

**WARNING: DO NOT READ THIS UNLESS YOU HAVE READ MY OTHER STORY "1 NIGHT 8 YEARS" YOU WONT GET IT! AT LEAST YOU SHOULDN'T REALLY. UMMMMM, I'M GONNA GO NOW. BYE.**

Well Hi and Hello to everyone out there how goes it? Sorry this is taking so long I fear the chapters will be posted few and far between because I am still working out what I want to do for this story and Its midterms this week, and my roommate says I need to find a boyfriend, and I'm in  a play, and collage apps, and scholarship shit and then just school in general, yeah this semester sucks. Any who so here's what I got so far for your reading pleasure.

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 1:Dreamcatcher**

            Living in a dream. It was all he had known for so long. A partial existence, death. One could wish for it but in this world were we actually already dead? Is this the land of the dead; a torture that you could never actually leave? 

            He looked so sad. Sitting there on a bench surrounded by laughing children and a beautiful blue sky. All he could thing about was the dark cloud of his past.

            "Spike."

            He blinked a moment and turned to look at her, "Huh, yeah?"

            "It only makes it worse the more you think about it."

            "How…"

            "Can't we just enjoy this for the moment." She knew it wouldn't last much longer they never did. "Don't think to hard you might hurt yourself." She smiled trying to get his mind off the "how" of things. He gave her a lost smile before turning back to space again.

            He was thinking again, she could hear him, _I'm being stupid for making this so hard, why can't I just do it?_

            "I don't know I was wondering that myself." Her smile broadened at his look of confusion. 

            "What the… how did you know…?"

            It was ending she could feel it. Her smile dropped. She hated to rush him, but this wouldn't last much longer.

            "It's not a bad thing."

            "Normally but I'm…"

            "His father so you shouldn't be afraid of getting close to him, of loving him." _Please Spike, love him. Love him for me._

            "But everyone I loved … they got… hurt… I just… Julia… and you…"

            _Stop dwelling Spike you're not helping either one of you. "Shhh. You know what they say third times the charm."_

            "Faye." Her heart ached just a bit more as she felt her name drift from his lips.

            "I'm Serious, Spike."

            "I know and I'm trying; it's just kinda, weird. I guess. I just need to get used to it."

            "I know, you're doing great; but remember Landis needs you now so please for both your sakes. Open that frigid ice box you call a heart and let him in."

            "Gee thanks." Spike turned away from her back to the playground.

            _Damnit Spike I'm being serious listen to me. I don't want to see you like this anymore. She laid her fingers on his cheek, he felt so warm. It only made it hurt more. He looked into her eyes. __No, I was wrong that__ hurt more. "Please Spike," she knew she was pleading but she didn't know if she would ever see him again._

            Spike brought his hand towards her own on his cheek, she could feel as his warmth passed through her hand. His eyes widened in realization. It really hurt now.

            "No Faye."

            "I'm sorry Spike." She could barely pass it through her lips she forced herself to smile in an effort to keep her tears at bay. It was blurring everything was loosing shape.

            "Not yet." The last thing she heard as the scene faded was him. "Faye!"

            The tears fell. She hugged herself and slid slightly off the bed she was sitting on.

            "No,no" she muttered "no more." She bit her lip and stood she was in Spikes room, one of the usual places she found herself when she wasn't in a 'scene' or the blackness that engulfed her most of the time. 'Scenes' that's what she called them cause she wasn't sure what they were, you can't dream when you're dead right?

            "I am dead aren't I?" she asked the empty room. The room held no answer. "Am I dead or what? Huh? Tell me damnit." She sat alone on the edge of the bed her face in her hands. "If I'm dead then why does it hurt so much?'

            "Being dead really doesn't change things like that." That voice, she had only heard it one time but she would never forget it. She had heard it enough in her dreams mocking her. Faye's head shot up and standing just a few feet in front of her was Julia.

            Faye was silent a moment then wined to herself. "Oh God, not only am I dead I'm in hell."

            Julia gave her a slight glare but it quickly passed. "I suppose you think that was funny." 

            Faye continued to look at her hands.

            "Look Faye I'm here to tell you that you're not dead."

            Faye looked up. "I'm not? Well then where the hell am I?"

            "Limbo."

            "Limbo?"

            "Ok really you're in a coma, and I'm a representation of your conscious come to prepare you for what's going to happen next."

            "You do know how lame you just sounded right?"

            Julia raised an eyebrow. She almost wondered why Spike ever fell for such a childish person, then she remembered she was thinking about Spike he had a habit of acting like he was five, so she decided to let it be.

            "Why would my subconscious pick you?"

            "I don't… Aggh that is besides the point."

            "What is your point?"

            " Well since it seems you have a nice habit of not listening, I guess I'll just have to show you."

            "Yeah, ok whatever." Faye yawned, but when her eyes opened she wasn't in Spike's room anymore she was in a small kitchen an old kitchen from her past. "What the… but this…" Faye's mouth stood open. Suddenly the soft sound of bare running feet came towards her she looked at the doorway to the living room and in seconds a small girl with long violet hair ran into the room in a nightgown giggling profusely.

            "Alexandria?" Faye whispered.

            The smiling girl looked up at Faye her gray eyes smiling along with her. Faye took a step towards her but the moment broke as a man in his early twenties ran in the room and scoped up the girl holding her upside down against his chest. He had soft short brown hair and was dressed casually. The girl laughed and careened her neck to look into the matching set of those gray eyes. Her Father's smiling eyes.

            "Marcus?" Faye couldn't move; she couldn't breath.

            "Now where did the birthday girl go? Hmmm I wonder when she could be." He accented his looking around the room by turning from side to side causing Alex to swing back and forth.

            "Me, me. I'm down here." Alex called out in her high pitched giggle.

            He looked down at her his eyes widening in melodramatic surprise. "OH there you are, what were you trying to do hide on your own birth day." He placed her back on the floor. "I guess that just means more cake for me." With his last word he jumped towards the table followed by a screaming 'Nooo, that's my cake'.

            Mark lifted Alex up to the chair so they could both marvel at the chocolaty goodness that was her cake on the table.

            Mark and Alex both reached out a finger towards the cake.

            "Hey. Back up from the cake." Faye turned her head at the shout to see, herself, standing in the back doorway.

            "Drat Foiled again." Mark muttered jokingly. "Wait I know, quick sad puppy eyes." Faye watched on as Mark and Alex used their secret weapon against her. She saw her younger self smirk.

            "No."

            "Oh please miss nice lady, we'd be eternally grateful to ya."

            "Yeah please, grateful." Alex echoed.

            Faye smiled she could see herself breaking, "Fine maybe a small piece after breakfast."

            Mark and Alex looked at each other and moved their arms in the classic 'yes' gesture.

            Both Fayes smiled. The younger Faye smiled up at the table and brought over the coffee pot. As Mark placed birthday hats on his and Alex's heads. 

            "Daddy give mommy a hat, too." 

"Ok, but first give me a kiss." The small girl got up on her knees and kissed her father's cheek.

"Hat for mommy!" The girl screamed. Mark stood and put a hat on the younger Faye's head. "Now give daddy a thank you kiss." The young Faye hesitated only a moment before slowly leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on Mark's cheek. "No mommy on the wips." She placed her small finger on her own lips obscuring the word. Faye watched as Mark and the younger Faye's eyes met for a moment and both turned back to their daughter.

"How old are we today sweetie?" The young Faye asked.

"Three." The girl held up four fingers. Young Faye gently pushed one down while responding.

"Three, my you're almost a lady. So why don't go wash up like a good young lady."

"Ok, mommy." Alex hopped down from her chair and ran from the room.

Faye watched as her younger self and Mark let out a collective sigh of relief. Mark sat down at the table while young Faye got more food.

Faye sighed from where she was on the side of the room observing she remembered this conversation. It was always there like an ominous cloud though so soon it would have been useless.

"That was close." Mark said looking up at her as young Faye came towards the table.

"I…I'm sorry. Should I have done it? I didn't…"

"Forget it she's gonna have to know or figure it out sooner or later. It was bound to happen. I was just hoping she'd be older."

"You don't think she knows yet do you?"

"No, but she has been getting more frequent with things like well like that."

"I know but she's still so young I don't think she would understand and that would make her even more confused."

Mark was quiet and any thoughts he might have had were pushed back when Alexandria bounded back in the room. And to her mother's arms.

"Hands all clean. See?" She pushed her small hands in young Faye's face. Noticing the some what somber expression in her mother's face Alex cocked her head to the side. "Mommy what's wrong. Are you sick? You should no go on your trip."

"Oh it's not that dear. Let's eat." Young Faye sat Alex in a set before sitting in her own. 

"Promise to bring me back something nice from mars mommy."

"Of course I will." The scene turned to black and Faye could feel the firm softness of a mattress beneath her prostrate form. She smiled despite the small pain that lingered in her chest. Another life she had lost, but no. She hadn't lost this one. Julia said she was still alive. Could it be true? The was soft sounds in the room around her a rustle of clothing, a slightly pained groan and then a weight on the bed with her.

_Not another dream_, she thought. But no this one felt different. Maybe she really was alive maybe she was awake. She continued to breath as softly as she could listening to his own slow breaths. He sighed. She could help but smile, not much time could have passed and already he was sighing. Men were babies. 

She mock sighed. "Don't tell me it's tiring you down already."

He didn't respond. Could he not hear her? He always responded in the dreams. She opened her eyes and turned to look at him. Clad in just his sweats his scars gleaming in the starlight. She looked at his new scar, the one he had gotten this last fight. Not much time must have passed at all it looked only a few weeks old. Tentatively she placed her fingers against the warm flesh feeling the smooth yet ruff flesh of the scar as it healed over. It was such an odd feeling on her fingertips.

"Stop it." His voice cut the air. His hand lazily moved towards hers, but she stopped it and rested it over his scar.

"Go to sleep." She told him.

"I am asleep." He looked almost sad as he said that despite how relaxed his features were on their way to sleep. The want to continue touching him was unbearable. He felt so real this time not like the other dreams. She ran her fingers through his hair.

"I know." She leaned down and kissed him softly. Oh how real it seemed. I couldn't be could it?

"Just a Dream." He muttered as he rolled over facing his back to her.

Was it though? She wasn't so sure. And the though made her near giddy. She pulled lightly at his shoulder she was gonna find out if this was a dream or not.

"Leave me the hell alone." He wined.

_Aww__, he's cute when he whines. "But you're so damn sexy when you're all angsty."_

"I said stop it."

She pulled her hand back. He didn't have to be snappy, _I mean I'm the one trying to figure out if I'm alive here and he jumps down my throat. Damn I thought he would be happy to see me._ "Well fine if you're gonna be a damn ass about it." She sat on the side of the bed and muttered. "Freaking asshole." She was right this wasn't a dream it was a nightmare.

"Faye." His questioning voice came towards her. She moved quickly to lean over him.

"Just look at me." She could hear the desperation in her voice but she didn't care she wanted out of this hell. She didn't care if it took a beating of her pride to do it anymore.

Spike's eyes slid open and Faye found herself once again trapped in them.

"Spike." Her voice was air.

Spike blinked.

"Damnit!"

*grabs heart and dies from suspense* TEHEHE ^_^!!1

Well that's all for now kiddies. Like I said along time ago the updates for this will most likely be some what few and far between for the time being so sorry, but hey at least I got some of it done. Yeah. Well GTG got a chem. Test to study for a chem. Lab report, a research proposal, and some beatnik poetry to write. Bastard School, I hate midterms. Byers. Tiffo^_^!!1

How bout you me and some Neosporin. *nudge nudge* Say no more.


	2. Wishes

HaHA I return. WATCH AS I AMASE YOU!!!!1 Ok not really. I just watched too much Zim today. YAY for owning all the episodes.  You are stupid, stupid like a moose. (Tiffo don't insult the readers, that's bad PR.) oh umm I mean… YOU ROCK, like a really rocky thing.  And um here's the story now. Bye.

I don't own bebop, hence the writing of fan fiction and not the publication of a second season. Besides it should be pretty self-explanatory If I am writing FAN fiction I am a…anyone anyone… a FAN. HUR. Ok bye for real this time. Really I'm going. I am I sware. -_- grrrrr YES I'M AWSOME *runs away* 

*Runs back some time later and begins typing.*

**Chapter 2: Wishes**

             Spike gripped the coffee mug hoping to absorb some of the heat into his cold body. He was sick of this his mind needed to leave him the hell alone. It was so real. It made him sick to his stomach; she hadn't passed through him she was there. He even thought he saw her for a moment that first moment that he had opened his eyes. She was there looking at him with such sad eyes but he blinked. He blinked and she was gone, gone. Drifted back to his imagination. _Damnit! This sucks, I'm crazy I've finally snapped I need medication. He ran a hand through his hair and glanced at the wall clock. Seven AM, time to get up._

*       *        *

            Jet walked into the kitchen and stopped mid-step when he saw Landis sitting at the table. He still had to do a double take when he saw the kid on the ship. _Come on old man, it's been almost a month._

            "Good morning." He told the boy. 

            Landis looked up from his cereal. His mouth twitched as if he were trying to smile but couldn't quite force it. "Hi." His quiet voice answered.

            "Where's your daaaa" Jet drew out the vowel as he realized what he was saying. "I mean Spike, Spike have you seen him?"

            "No." Landis looked back down at his food. He didn't want to bother with wondering why Jet always acted so weird when he talked about Spike, cause really he didn't care. _Whatever.__ Jet was acting weird most of the time anyway so I like said; whatever. I should finish this and go back to bed. I miss mom. I want to see her, I should ask Spike to take me. He's at least a little less weird then Jet, though only a little. Oh well whatever. Man I say that a lot now, oh well what… eep, stop brain. Jet's talking. "Oh, huh, what?" Landis looked back up at Jet who had been asking him… something._

            "Its ok Landis, I'll let you eat." Jet took his coffee he had been making and left the room. He didn't like seeing Landis like this, he didn't know what to say. Jet sighed. _All my years of trying to help and now I can't do anything._

            Jet walked pass Spike's room a few hours later, he still hadn't seen the man; though he had spent most of the time in his tree room. They helped him think, though he wasn't sure what he was thinking about. Jet stopped to see if maybe Spike was there, but instead of Spike he found a clean room. Jet blinked a moment. There was noting on the floor, the bed was made, something wasn't right here. Jet went to the living room and there with two bags sitting next to him was Spike. He was dressed in black pants and a green shirt. With a light jacket on the table next to his feet on the end of the still broken coffee table. His head was leaned back as he lazily smoked.

            Jet eyed him suspiciously. "What are you doing?"

            Spike opened one eye at him. "Smoking." He mumbled the cigarette bouncing in his lips. "Is that a crime here now too?"

            "What are you doing Spike?"

            "I just told you…" Spike sat up more looking at Jet who seemed insistent on interrupting his cigarette break. 

            "With the stuff, and the bags, and your room is clean." Jet stared harder at Spike as if that would make it all clear now.

            "I'm leaving." Spike stated sitting up stubbing out his cigarette and grabbing his coat. 

            "You're what?"

            "Leaving."

            "Where? You can't."

            "Why not?"

            "WHY NOT?!"

            "Yeah." Spike looked genuinely confused.

            "What about the kid!"

            "What about him?"

            "You can't just leave him here; he's your responsea…"

            "Ok Spike I'm ready." Landis walked in dragging a bag behind him.

            Jet's jaw hung open. _I missed something_.

            Spike went over to Landis and took the bag from him, placing it with the others.

            Jet's jaw decided to work again. "What are you…"

            "I'm taking him home. Back to Faye's house." Jet looked at Spike, _why wasn't I told of this?_

            "Why didn't you tell me? When did you decide this?"

            "About seven this morning. I was gonna tell you before we left. I've just been busy running around packing and stuff."

            _There is something not right about this. Jet thought to himself, __why this sudden need to go back._

            "Look I know you think this is weird and sudden and stuff but" Spike stepped over bet Jet and pulled him slightly to the side away from Landis who was petting Ein. "I think, no I've decided that it's what Landis needs. School should be starting in a few weeks where he lives and he's probably got friends and stuff. He needs people not just a couple of guys who don't know how to deal with a normal kid. Not to mention one who… who is hurting." Spike looked down for a moment. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I just decided this morning. So I'm taking him down and I'm gonna stay down there. With him and… yeah. Ok."

            "Are you going to take him to see her before you go?"

            "Yeah." Spike looked down again.

            "What if she wakes up, you won't be there."

            "I know."

            "Then why go, wait a while, see what happens."

            "For what? What if she doesn't wake up, I'm not putting his life on hiatus so we can sit around and wait for something that might never happen." 

            "You sound like Faye"

            He looked up at Jet. "Yeah, yeah I do don't I."

*    *    *

            Landis looked out the window at the red rocky ground of Mars.

            "I hate Mars." He told no one in particular.

            "I was born here ya know." Spike told him from the couch where he sat smoking.

            "I still hate it." Landis told him.

            "Yeah, I kinda hate it too." He stubbed out his cigarette and walked over to Landis. "I mean just cause I was born here doesn't mean I love the place."

            A thick silence hovered in the room like the mist that rolled down the sides of Martian cities.

            "Why is mommy sleeping so long?" Landis continued to look out the window.

            Spike felt everything stop. What could he tell him, how could he tell him? When Landis had woken up they were already in the hospital. And Faye set up in surgery. Spike had been waiting in a chair in the ER room where Landis was sleeping since they had stitched him up. Landis had sat up felt at the gauze on his own temple and immediately asked for his mother. Spike didn't know what to tell him then and he still didn't know now. "She's really tired." _Oi__, lame, Spike mentally slapped himself._

            "I'm not stupid you know." Landis looked up at him glaring slightly.

            "How old are you?"

            "Seven. Almost eight."

            "Aren't you a little deep for seven."

            "Aren't you a little stupid for old."

            Spike glared back. "Didn't your mother teach you to respect your elders?"

            "She taught me to respect people that deserve it."

            "Oh and I don't?"

            "No, you're a lunkhead."

            Spike's lip twitched. "A what?"

            Landis looked out the window again. "A lunkhead."

            "And why may I ask am I a lunkhead?" _This is Faye's kid alright, I guess enjoying insulting me is genetic._

            Landis put his hands in his pockets and stared outside for a moment and whispered. "You made mom cry." Sadness played across his face and his shoulders slumped. _Wake up mom please, wake up, I miss you mommy._

            Spike put his hands in his pockets and stared out the window. _I know. I'm sorry. His shoulders fell with the weight of his guilt._

            They stood there watching the landscape pass each in his own thoughts and inner battles. They didn't hear Jet walk up behind them. They didn't see as he smiled because they stood the same way, slouching with their hands in their pockets their heads tilted slightly to the left. They didn't see it fall because he knew why they both stood that way. And they didn't hear him leave adding his own silent prayer to their own. _Keep fighting Faye, they need you._

*     *     *

            Spike didn't like hospitals, but then again most people probably don't. Hospitals didn't really represent happy things. And they smelled so sterile it was unnerving and the whole time you can feel the sickness and death hovering around you like an evil shadow waiting for it's next victim.

            Another thing was they were cold, maybe not always so much in the physical sense but in this other worldly kinda way. It seemed to suck the heat from your body and settle in your bones so that no matter how many layers you wore you couldn't stop it.

            The light blue blanket on her bed stuck out against the stark white of the room and it made her look even paler and smaller. She almost looked blue, like her skin was reflecting the blanket. The machines and tubes and wires attached to her body only added to the nauseating feeling he got when he saw her. Landis' small hand found its way into his as he pressed himself against Spike's leg.

            "Go say hi to your mom." Spike told him pushing him slightly away from his own body.

            Landis took one hesitant step forward a breath and continued on. This was the fifth time he had seen his mother like this. The first time was a few hours after he had woken up, she had been in surgery for hours and he was starting to get sleepy again and he had just closed his eyes when someone poked him. He had looked up at Spike who smiled slightly but it was a dead smile. But Spike still asked him one of the best questions he had ever heard. 'You wanna go see your mom?' After that Jet took Landis back up to the ship while Spike stayed in the hospital with Faye. They visited once more before Spike was told to go home. That was about two and a half weeks ago. They visited again a week later and the final visit had been just a week before. But now, this time Landis knew it was different. He knew that he wouldn't be back in a week he might not be back for months. Spike was taking him back to live on Earth again and his mom would still be here on Mars. _ I hate Mars._

*     *     *

            "That's all of them." Jet said as he handed two more bags of groceries to Spike. Who took the bags and added them to the other four that were already dangling from his arms. Jet looked up and checked to see if the two women that had been on the porch across the street ever since they had come back from the grocery store were still watching them. They were and Jet noticed there was another pair on a porch of the house next to them. Jet chuckled to himself. "You better watch your back here Spike you're under surveillance."

            Spike took a deep breath in, "Ahh suburbia, I shudder inside." Jet laughed again and soon Spike joined him as they walked into the house.

*     *     *

            Bang.

            Landis looked up from where he was unpacking in his room.

            Bang.

            He walked downstairs some how knowing what the source of the noise was. He walked into the kitchen to see Spike standing in front of the oven.

            Bang. Spike's foot connected with the oven door. It was leaving a small dent.

            "Why won't this thing work."

            "What are you doing?"

            Spike looked over at Landis. "I um… I'm trying to work the ummm this ahh thingy here with the…"

            "The stove."

            "Yeah I guess." 

            "Well you have to push the correct buttons: what are you cooking, at what temperature, for how long, and you'll need to preheat it before you put it in."

            Spike looked at him for a moment.

            "What kinda take out places do you have here?" He asked the boy.

            "The phone book display is upstairs in moms study."

            Spike followed as Landis took him upstairs and into the messy room full of papers he had seen before.

            There was a desk with three monitors on it a fax/printer/copier/scanner on a filing cabinet and stacks of reports every ware. Landis walked over sat in the big office chair and pulled out a keyboard as the screens flickered to life. Spike looked up at the upper deck of the desk which was covered with photos. The first one on the right showed Faye in a hospital gown her hair was wet and messy sticking to her face, but her face, her face was so beautiful. Her eyes looked tired but they shone with such as light as he had never seen before and her smile. Her smile as she held the small bundle in her arms was small but it showed everything. Spike's lips twitched into a sad smile and he sighed.

            "That's me when I was born." Spike looked down at Landis who was now standing on the chair to point at the picture. "I was early by two whole months mom says I was born to be impatient that it's in my genes or something. But I wasn't wearing jeans so I don't know what she means. This is me when I was two." He said pointing at the next picture where he was standing in a living room holding onto a couch side for support and a teddy bear in the other hand. He was clad in a blue zip up sleeper outfit complete with footies. "Here's me on the first day of kindergarten." He was in a small blue suit. "Mom made me dress up. But she almost didn't let me go cause I had just turned five three days earlier. My birthday is September 2nd. Here's one with mom and Jet and Ed and Ein and me."

            They were sitting at a picnic table Faye and Landis on one side and Jet and Ed on the other. It looked like a nice set up shot except everyone's faces weren't looking at the camera they were looking at the table where Ein was eating from a bowl of something.

            "Mom screamed at Ein for a long time, he wasn't allowed on picnics with us."

            Spike looked at the picture, feeling a bit of jealously towards Ed and Jet for being involved in the life he had been denied.

            "Oooo look this is my Karate picture." Landis held up a book frame that had been on the lower part of the desk and pointed to the picture on the right. He took the frame from the boy. Spike glanced at it but then noticed the picture on the left side. A young girl only two or three with long purple hair and gray eyes.

            "Whose…" 

            Landis looked over the top of the frame. "That's sister Alexandria."

            "Sister, whose sister?"

            "Mine."

            Spike's head shot up towards him. "Yours?"

            "Yes, but she's dead. She died a long time ago, before I was born. When mommy lived before the accident. At least that's what she always says." 

            Spike blinked a moment. _Faye had another kid? Before she was frozen._ He shook his head to clear it.

            "Hey lets find those restaurants, I'm starved." He told the boy as Landis started typing on the computer looking up names of local places.

End Chapter 2. 

 Never thought I'd get this out. I got more of the story mapped out now so I just have to get the time to work on it. Which I don't have now and I'm probably gonna fail because of FF it would be sweet poetic justice.

Tiffo Signing off. 

Shitsure shimasu.


	3. A wake up call

La la Ta da! Lookie lookie an update, don't you all go and get spoiled now thinking I'll have time to update I just happen to get back from failing my Japanese test and found myself W/O homework. Ok I have homework I'm just avoiding it.

Yeah yeah, so I start chapters and never finish them so sue me. Not really I need my money. 

And I don't really think that people should have to put disclaimers or what nots when they are going to talk about religion but, hey I don't want anyone to be offended so Just to let you know, Spike's gonna Talk to God, "Oh powers that be answer my question…… NOW!"-Foamy (of www.illwillpress.com) 

I don't own Cowboy Bebop, or "Cure my Tragedy(a letter to God)"- by Cold.(WHO ROCK)

**Chapter 3: A Wake up call**

The back room had unofficially become his. He thought of just sleeping on the couch but after a few days of having to "clean up after himself so that the living room could be clean when mom got home" he decided that living out of a bag was more uncomfortable then the awkward feeling he got using one of her rooms. Her room was expressly out of the question, he didn't even like going in there. He felt like he was snooping around, invading something. So he was back here in a small room that he hadn't even noticed the first time he had been there. But now he wasn't sure how he could have missed it. You came up the stairs on the left side and there it was right at the top. On the same side as Landis' room. It was about the same size as the other room but more 'set up' then his room. The kind of room that they show like in movies or something that looks so nice you know that no one actually lives in it. Between the two rooms was a bathroom that could be accessed from either room.

_All in all_, he found himself thinking for the thousandth time, _she was doing really well for herself_. 

And again thoughts of the new Faye lead to thoughts of the old and how different yet at the same time so similar they were.

_Remember all the times that we used to play_

_You were lost and I would save you_

He was always rescuing her. Those were most of the memories. The look in her eye when he'd show up: the hope, the anger, the resentment for having to call on him. For needing him. Her pride, the thought made him want to laugh and cry at the same time. It was so petty and caused her so much trouble.

_I don't think those feelings will ever fade_

_You were born a part of me_

_I was never good at hiding anything  
My thoughts break me, do you understand   
what you mean to me  
You are my faith_

He almost always loved having to rescue her. Sure it was annoying, out of his way, and he probably would have gotten Jet to do it if he could, but her reactions were always worth it. At first he had just done it so he would have something else to shove against her ego, and that amused him to no end, but there was always that underlying feeling. The worry that if he didn't do it it wouldn't be done right and that something might happen to her. He couldn't have lived with himself if he had failed in protecting her. It probably wasn't even 'love' per say so much as that deep rooted animalistic feeling that an insult or injury to something under your protection was a deep dishonor to you. He wasn't sure why she was under his veil of protection everyone on the ship was, it was just the way that it was. And he had never failed her. That is, until.

Now. How could he have let this happen. He sat on the bed and looked out the window at the dawn. _How could you let this happen?_ He asked out to the sky. _She didn't deserve this she tried so hard._

_Won't you cure my tragedy?_

_Won't you cure my tragedy?_

_Don't take her smile away from me_

_She's broken and I'm far away_

He glared out the window as if hoping to see a being form in front of him and tell him all that he needed to know. _Please don't take her away, I need her. I need to hear her voice, feel her touch, see her smile._ He was feeling desperate he wanted so badly to do something; being helpless was not something that sat well with him.

_Won't you cure my tragedy  
Won't you cure my tragedy  
If you make the world a stage for me  
Then I hope you can hear me scream_

All he could do was hope and pray. And hope that his cries were heard, hope that there was someone taking note and saying here's something that needs to be taken care of.

_When I sit and think of the days we shared  
and the nights you covered for me  
Every little thing that I ever did  
You would stand by me_

All those bounties, she was always his back up. He would never admit it but it always made him feel safer. Somehow he just knew that she would risk anything and everything just to make sure he was ok. He felt the same even though they would both deny it up the wazoo.

_Everytime you would cry it would take my wind_

_My heart would break_

_If i could be strong like you were for me_

You are my faith 

Northing compared to when she cried though. It was rare, at least that he saw it was so out of character for her, it was frightening. She was so strong, she was impenetrable a stone fortress that no one could break into. She had that day after everything changed. That was the first time that it broke him. He had made her cry, sob. His want for death only increased. 

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

_Don't take her smile away from me_

_She's broken and I'm far away_

_If you made the world a stage for me_

_Then i hope that you could hear me scream_

_Can you hear me scream_

_Can you hear me scream_

"This can't be happening, please, please make it stop. She has a son he needs her. I need her. I don't know what to do without her." He whispered softly to the bright colors playing across the sky. 

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

_Won't you cure my tragedy_

_Don't take her smile away from me_

_She's broken and I'm far away_

If you made the world a stage for me 

"Just listen to me, just this once this is all I'll ask for. Please. Just bring her back, bring her back."

_I can't take this anymore_

_I can't take this anymore_

Won't you take and give her pain to me 

"Take me instead, just let her live. She's important to so many people someone loved that much deserves to live. She deserves happiness." He looked down at his hands. "Not like someone like me. She deserves so much more then me. I deserve deaths cold grip and so much more."

Cause my whole life I've made mistakes 

* * *

The first thing Faye noticed was the cold, she was cold again. Then there were the lights the bright lights that seemed to be piercing through her eyes. She took a sharp intake of breath thinking to block her eyes but that's when the pain hit. It hurt to breath like she had to press harder to get the air in but at the same time she wanted to take tiny breaths so not to put pressure against it. The pain that shot up her arm when she tried to move it was nothing compared to that. The pain caused her eyes to open with a small gasp.

_Where am I? Where is everybody?_ She looked around the room with sleep filled eyes. Everything was just a blur of white. The hum and beeping of machinery her only sounds. It all seemed so eerily familiar and despite all her efforts that old fear started taking hold of her body and all that was left was the cold and the white.

Suddenly a door opened and a young woman walked into the room with some sheets in her hands.

"Where the hell am I? Where's my son?" Faye snapped almost from impulse.

The girl looked up wide-eyed at her. "You're awake."

Faye just stared at her still getting her bearings.

The girl ran from the room. 

"What the hell is going on here?" Faye asked the empty room.

* * *

Jet walked briskly down the hall. No matter what he did he couldn't seem to wipe the huge smile off of his face, even if he did look like a dipshit. He opened the door and saw Faye propped up on pillows eating or rather poking at her hospital food. 

"Oh Jet." She said whipping her face. "Hi, I was wondering when you would show up." She stopped for a moment. "Where's Landis?"

"He's at home."

"On the ship? You know your really shouldn't leave him alone on there he doesn't-

"-On Earth."

"On Earth, you left him on Earth and flew all the way up here? Did you at least leave him with Ed?"

"No."

"He's alone?!"

"No he's with Spike."

"With… with Spike!?"

* * *

"How could you be so irresponsible?"

"I thought it was a good idea Faye." Jet sat on the chair while Faye lounged on the couch with her feet propped up. Jet was trying without luck to reach Faye's house over the computer.

"I don't see why you're freaking out so much about this."

"Of course I'm freaking out, Spike is one of the most irresponsible people I know and you left my son alone with him. Spike doesn't know how to take care of kids."

"He told me you asked him to take care of Landis."

"I.. well I… I thought I was dying."

Jet just looked at her.

Faye sighed. "Look all his life I've told Landis that his father was dead. Then Spike shows up, that kid is sharp, it won't take him long to figure out who Spike really is and how am I supposed to explain that to him. 'Well son I've been lying to you your whole life.'" Faye paused. "I just want to see him again. After everything happened I wasn't there for him when he needed me." Faye watched as the shape of her hands blurred and swam. "Are you getting an answer yet?"

"No, nothing yet. Why don't you try to get some rest."

"Jet I've been resting for over a month; I don't wanna rest any more."

"Well it would have helped you had more then like two computer terminals in your house and weren't so obsessed with out dated technology." Jet shut off the ringing computer, "I'll try again later and then with the cell phone when we get closer to earth." He got up and brushed the imaginary dirt from his pants. "So ya hungry?"

Faye rolled her eyes but before she could decline her stomach answered for her. 

* * *

"Damnnit Spike answer a phone." Jet grumbled into the cell phone. Jet glanced around slightly making sure that Faye was still in the bathroom she would not be happy that they still hadn't gotten in touch with Spike. They had been trying for hours.

* * *

"Get the door would ya Landis." Spike asked as he walked towards the door arms full of groceries. Landis ran up in front of him and opened the glass door. "Here." Spike threw him the house key. 

"Spike can I watch a movie, or do you need me to cook again?"

"I think I can handle it, you just pour water on it and put it in the microwave right?"

"And don't forget the cheese at the end, don't worry they call it easy mac for a reason so even people like you can cook it."

"Thanks." Spike went to work taking boxes and cartons out of bags, he was almost done when he noticed a blinking red light on the box next to the two phones. "Ok let's see I press… this one."

Beep. "You have four messages, message one." Beep.

"Spike this is Jet why the hell aren't you answering the phone, anyway I wanted to tell you that-'

"Spike what movie do you wanna watch?!" Landis' call came from down the hall.

"I don't care." Spike told him trying to listen to the phone message.

"- so I picked her up and we are on our-"

"What?!" Landis called back.

"I said I don't care." Spike yelled stepping out into the hall making sure Landis heard him.

Beep. "End message one, message two." Beep.

"No wait go back I need to hear message one. Let see to rewind it press…" 

Beep. "Messages erased, you have zero messages." Beep.

"Not that one."

Spike finished and walked into the Living room only to find the tv off and the room empty.

"Landis."

He was answered by running feet coming down the stairs. Landis appeared in swimming trunks holding a larger pair in his hand. 

"I thought we were making food and watching a movie."

"I changed my mind."

* * *

"You want my help?" Jet asked getting out of the hammerhead.

"No I got it." Faye told him as she used the sides of the ship to help her down. She reached for one of the legs but apparently that wasn't gonna happen. She let out a small scream as she fell. Hard secure arms caught her.

"You sure?" Jet smiled slightly and lifted her up. She allowed her self to rest on him as he grabbed her cane from the zip craft.

"Oh this thing makes me feel my real age." She said taking the cane from him and starting towards the house. She took short pained steps up the stairs to the door.

Through the empty house; a open box of easy mac, the curtain pulled back on the screen door with only the screen closed. Splashes, screams, and laughter. More Splashes.

Faye looked through the screen.

"You ready kid, and now a Cannon Ball." Spike yelled he and Landis were standing on the edge of the pool and proceeded to do exactly that into the pool. Spike popped up first and grabbed Landis as he came up. Moving so that the were in the shallower end Spike held Landis over of his head and threw him to the deeper end. Landis screamed and splashed down.

Faye could feel her legs giving out under her. This is was not what she had expected to see when she came home. Tears once more threatened to spring free. 

A small welsh corgi walked along the back patio and noticed the woman sitting just inside the door. Ein barked in happy greeting. Faye smiled and did her best to gather herself back together.

"Shut up Ein!" Spike yelled. The dog continued. "Ein…" Spike turned to yell at the dog, but the words never came out.

Landis had climbed out of the pool to perform another jump in. "Spike watch what I can…"

Faye slowly pulled the screen back and took a shaky step on to the patio.

"Mommy!" Landis ran around the pool to plow into his still weeping mother. His force knocked the already highly unstable Faye down. "I missed you."

"I missed you too baby." Faye told him holding him close.


	4. Settling in

Nov. So sorry this has taken so long its finals time here and so the teachers have been pilling I ton extra special just to make us even more miserable. But anyway I got a break coming up and I hope to have this chapter plus another one done by the time I get back from break. 

Dec. Man I took so long I had to reread what I had typed. Oi OH well onward tally ho. Oh and I hate inner ear imbalances (love), they make my life suck. So I confuse myself by writing love stories. Will some one please tell my why I write about this stuff if I hate it so much, mer. On a good note I got Tickets to see Return of the King tomorrow, Kick ass! YAY! I'm gonna cry like a little baby. I know I will any who enough rambling. 

Jan. Hullo, sooooo dearfully sorry. I have been running around with finals and stuff and then I started writing this chaper on my PC and went home for break before transferring it onto the laptop so iu ahd to try and remember what I wrote so I could work on it. And I'm going away for a week in a few days so whose to say when I will finish this oh well.

I don't own Bebop, but I do own Landis and I own a slave named Evan but that is unrelated. 

Feb. OK OK so I'm slow kill me ok, but then you'll never get the ending. HAHA!

Too many problems but at least I finally got it done.

**Chapter 4:** Settling in 

Faye felt her blood begin to flow again. She had been in stasis ever since she woke up her only thoughts being to get back to her son. She pulled him back from her, he looked like he was ok: eating well, getting sleep. Maybe Spike hadn't done such a bad job afterwards. Spike! She had forgotten he was here. She looked up and saw the blurred image of Spike standing at the edge of the pool. He kept his distance unsure of his place or purpose in this reunion. 

She glanced into his eyes as he watched them, _Run to him_, her mind told her _he's here now, he can take care of you._ He took a step forward apparently seeing that he wouldn't be intruding. She felt a smile spreading across her face. _You'll be a family. He'll stay-_ her mind cut off. _Wait, this is Spike when did he ever stay, for long anyway_. When was he really there when it mattered, when she had reached out for him, when she needed him. When it came down to all his big talk he was just a hypocrite. She had to think of Landis, this wasn't about her and her petty wants and needs. Her son, that's whose important. When the going got tuff would Spike take off again; when he got tiered of playing dad would he just drop Landis like he had dropped her?

Her smile dropped. Spike stopped. Jet closed his eyes. From where he stood in the doorway he watched as everything he had seen grow between them seem to die once again. _Let it go Faye_.

Standing with the help of her cane Faye righted herself and held Landis' hand as he stood pressed against her legs. Once again becoming the protective mother wild cat, keeping herself and her young safe and solitary. 

Spike blinked but not before the sadness leaked from behind the curtain of his eyes. _Not again Faye_, _please don't do this._ "Faye." He said softly.

Standing a little taller she took in a strong breath, "Thank you for watching Landis while I was away Spike." The sentence weighted a ton on his shoulders. Jet let out a sigh.

With all the strength she could find she turned her back to Spike and lead Landis into the house. All the while the boy looked back at Spike as though he knew how much his mother had hurt the man. 

They came to where Jet stood, the man just looked sad at Faye. She tried to glare back but her foot faltered. Jet reached out and grabbed her arm she continued to glare but he just walked her to the couch mumbling Ôstubborn woman.

She gently set herself down and continued to stare off angrily. Jet shook his head and looked at the wet and dripping Landis.

"Hey why don't you go on upstairs and get cleaned up for your mom." Landis nodded knowing now was not the time to argue. _That's one thing he certainly didn't get from his parents_, Jet thought and then turned his gaze back to Faye and continued watching her reaction. "And take Spike with you." Jet didn't see it but Landis smiled and Spike looked up from where he had been staring at the floor in the doorway. The boy ran to Spike and took his hand eagerly pulling him into the house and up the stairs. Jet continued to stare at Faye who rolled her eyes and lay back on the couch looking away from him.

Jet sighed.

"Spare me the lecture Jet." She said sounding more like her old self. 

"No, I can't believe you did that.

She sighed and looked at him knowing this would be a while and required her full attention. "Come on Jet.

"He saved your life, the life of your son.

"I know that and I'm grateful.

"Not enough. I saw him cry over you, in all my years of knowing him I have never seen that man cry.

Faye thought of those last few moments when he had held her and cried unselfishly. A small ache was filling her chest again.

"He loves you." It grew. "And you haven't seen it yet but when he thinks no ones looking he looks at Landis the same way you did, that same sad love. That contented sorrow." Tears threatened to spill over again. "I know you want to Faye so give him a chance. What are you so afraid of?

She shook her head sending silver droplets flying. "I'm not afraid.

"You are scared shitless. What pessimistic irrational thing did u concoct out there on the patio?

"It's not irrational. He's going to leave. He did it before, he'll do it again. Spike only ever did whatever he wanted to do with out a care about the consequences on others and I don't want to put Landis through that." She paused and whispered. "I don't think I can handle it again." She looked in Jets eyes. "I won't get left behind again. I don't need him anyway I don't need anyone Landis and I were just fine until he showed up and screwed it up.

"Well, I'm sorry if all I can ever do is screw you over Faye." A deep bone settling voice said from the hall. "I'll just keep my distance next time." Spike stood in the doorway leaning against the wall, anger and pain resonated from him. He locked eyes with Faye both had their walls up trying to hid their pain from the very person who could heal it. "I'll just grab my stuff and be out of your hair forever." He turned away.

_Let him go_. Her mind told her but her mouth didn't seem to want to listen. "Thank you." He froze. "Thank you for saving me, for coming to get me again." He turned back to her looking into her eyes for some hint of that love that had seen there once. But despite her mouth's slip up she kept herself heavily guarded. The hope drained from his body and he turned again to leave.

"Oh no you don't," Jet told him. "You don't get to leave just yet. Your job here isn't done. You still have to take care of Landis and now you have another kid here to take care of." Faye glared at him. "Deal with it Faye you are in no condition to take care of things around here. Face it you need Spike here to help you out and besides he's staying whether you like it or not. I care to much about that kid and you to leave you without some support." He stood up. "So I'm gonna help you upstairs and then leave and I don't want to hear anything." Jet lifted a slightly bewildered Faye and lead her across the room and passed an equally confused Spike. And for once as realization seeped in neither of them said anything either too tiered to argue or too relieved that everything had worked out so well.

* * *

Landis looked out the window. Some of his toys were scattered across the floor. They just didn't hold his interest like they used to. Since he had come home he hadn't gotten to go out and play; he hadn't really wanted to. He was to busy being grown up. Spike needed more help around the house then he did. So it was up to him to make sure that Spike didn't ruin everything before his mom got home.

Landis found himself thinking about his dad again. It was the same thought that always passed through his mind whenever he saw his mom having a hard time. ÔHow much different would it have been if his father hadn't died before he was born?' Would his mother stop crying nights when she thought he was asleep? Would he have someone to teach him baseball and tell stories about to his friends? Someone to trade off with mom on tucking him in so that his mom could get a chance to rest? If he was here now, what would he be like? _Do I look just like him? Do we like the same things? Would he be proud of me?_

And Spike was only helping to confuse him. Spike had to be someone, he looked so much like him. The thought that he might be his father returning to them had even crossed his mind. But then he remembered that his father was dead. People don't just comeback eight years after they were murdered in the crossfire of a mafia hit. Then again there was everything that happened afterwards; that creepy man with the white hair he owned a Mafia and he had known Spike. MaybeÉ No if he had been dad wouldn't mom have been happier to see him. She would have welcomed him back. Landis found himself to be standing in the metaphorical dark along with the dark of the room.

A soft click from the door as the handle released. Landis jumped into bed feigning sleep. Heavy but soft footsteps crossed the room. The unconscious fear of someone coming into his room rose again but quickly subsided. Landis had already begun to recognize Spike's lumbering yet fluid steps. 

Spike watched as the kid's body tensed and relaxed under the light summer sheet. It made his heart hurt. He had already helped the kid through the worst of the nightmares but it would probably be a few years before he would ever get a true, good nights sleep. 

"I know you're not sleeping.

Landis opened one eye slightly. "I really was trying.

"Really?" Spike pulled up on the covers by the boy tucking them under his arms.

"Yeah I just

"Just what?" Spike asked finishing securing the boy and crouching next to the bed.

"I don't..." Landis looked away for a moment and chewed on him bottom lip. Turning back to Spike he asked, "Did you know my dad?

Spike didn't move, his body freezing up as his mind tried to process the information being given him.__

"I

* * *

Faye stood in front of the mirror refusing to look herself in the eyes. Closing them she took in a deep breath, filling her lungs as far as the pain would let her. She held it shrugging her shoulders and allowing the satin robe to slide from her and pool gracefully on the floor. She didn't feel the garment leave her skin as much as she felt the shame of nakedness envelop her. She had been feeling that every once in a while in the past few days, ever since she had woken up. Sometimes it came over her when she knew she was still clothed, a sudden panic and she would check to make sure nothing was showing. No hint of epidermis save what was safe, but even then was that safe? Would anything be safe ever again?

Slowly she released the air she had been keeping in as she slid her eyes open. She felt what was left of the wheezing breath freeze in her throat. A sudden chill ran through the room and her want to cover up became overwhelming. She wanted to throw up, she wanted to scream, she wanted to cut the dirty bruised flesh from her body. 

They were hardly noticeable after a month to heal. A month of her life that she had missed out, a month spent in a cold sterile hospital bed. With tubes and wires continuing the violation of her body. The bruises were nearly gone a sickly yellow green color hardly noticeable in the dim light of the room. She could turn on the overhead to get a better look but then she knew she would throw up. She couldn't look at them that clearly yet, she just couldn't. The swelling on her face was practically gone, only a small cut above her left eye remained scabbed over. Her head was still tender the mirror had done a number on her skull. How many times had her head been smashed into it? There were so many stitches; Jet had told her that they had done reconstructive surgery on it, the doctors had been afraid that a piece of her scull might have punctured her brain. No she had been lucky. Lucky. Ha, not a word she would think to ever use for everything. 

Her hand ran over what was left of the swelling on her face. The sick feeling began growing again as she felt even her own hand touching her. She hated it, this feeling of repulsion from her own body, she had always felt so comfortable with herself, but now she couldn't even look at her self in full light. She looked at her wrist as she pulled her shaking hand from her face, her left raw and scabbed healing from where the handcuff had cut into her arm. It would heal with minimal scar tissue almost none, the right though, the right would always have that deep set line running from her elbow slicing through her old scar marring the otherwise soft flesh of the inside of her forearm. 

Her eyes cautiously followed her hand and it moved from her face and neck to her chest. Something she had always been proud of her porcelain skin and rather large breasts, but now they made her self-conscious and dirty feeling. There, bright and ugly against the soft white was a patch of pink and brown scabbing, scar tissue. Nestled neatly between her breasts the patch of broken skin glared mockingly at her. If the sword have gone and inch to the left it would have pierced her heart. Lucky. This had almost killed her, in fact it had. She could remember dying, the blood and tears in her mouth. The look on Spike's face as he held her, calling out her name, his eyes telling her everything. She had been at peace, well as much peace as she could have hoped to have. But she was back, Why? That was an easy question, Landis. She couldn't just leave him. What kind of parent would that make her? What kind of mother just died when she had a seven year old son waiting for her? 

She ran the fingers of her right hand over the rubbery flesh of the still tender wound on her chest. She had been in surgery for 6 hours just because of it. It wasn't every day that the hospital had a case of someone being run-through with a katana. She felt for the corresponding scar on her back; where he had found another foul way of penetrating her body.

She unfocused her eyes allowing the blurred image of her whole body to reflect off of the mirror and into her eyes. Biting her lip and holding her breath she allowed her eyes to focus looking for the first time at the part of her self she had taken such pains to avoid. The sight that greeted her was like some horrid dream, it was as if time had forgotten it. While the rest of her bruises faded and the swelling had gone down and was nearly gone, these marks were brightly colored. Her inner thighs seemed a mass of deep purple and vibrant red splotches. With green and yellow edging the skin didn't even look real. The puncture wound on her right thigh was barely noticeable among the rest of the colors. She couldn't see it but she knew that she was just as bruised inside.

It was almost funny, when she had woken up the doctors had told her that no permanent damage had been done. No permanent damage. She wondered what that was supposed to mean. No permanent damage, what was this feeling than. This contempt and utter disgust that she had for herself, this complete hatred and self-loathing that coursed through her veins where blood used to be. If only, there were so many if onlys so many she lost count. If only she'd never meet Spike, If only she hadn't had a son, if only she hadn't had lunch that day, If only she hadn't told him to leave, if only she had told him all those years ago. No permanent damage. 

They had told her there was no permanent damage; they told her that she would still be able to have children. At first the idea disgusted her. The thought of having someone touch her in any way, made her head start to spin and the bile rise in her throat. How could she bring another child into a world like this? But now it's an almost comforting feeling. To know that despite all his efforts he hadn't caused any permanent damage. Her wounds would heal, she would live on whole, bruised but not broken. 

She sunk to the floor her eyes stinging she pulled the robe back on as best she could and stood adjusting it to be sure she was covered. With one final deep breath she met her own refection in the mirror, but it wasn't her eyes she saw as she spoke. They were gray and piercing in a way that made her flesh crawl. 

"I won, you bastard, I won." Her voice was barely that of a horse whisper and she wished she had the backing behind those words to make them sound sincere. 

Well sorry that's all you get but I do promise to start working on the next chapter right away. This whole constantly being sick and almost done with high school so they give us extra work thing is really getting on my nerves.

Prying curiosity beat the Hobbit to a blood pulp.


	5. The Question

Yes yes I know I suck like a really sucky thing and the worst part is I know what I want to write I just haven't gotten around to it. Ok so here goes.

Oh by the way if this sucks more than usual, I blame the big bump on my head the one that I got last night when I reamed my head into the corner f the change in heights on the ceiling it echoed and everything but it didn't really hurt that much till a while later but it was bloody and red. I wish I could see it better it looked kind of cool. (ok so this story is from April sometime and not only has my head healed by now but now I have a hole in my leg where they cut out a wart and did bad job and it might be infected and blah blah blah .)

So in other news my roommate is bitching at me cause we move out and she wants to rearrange the room back to how it was but I would rather wait till after graduation. Or as we like to call it graduma-facation .So she got even more pissy at the fact that I was sitting here checking my email. But you see I packed up a lot and had my mom move it out last night so I no need to pack. So the chance to annoy her more and the following review have prompted me to write again today.

tiffo the chicken flea,

The following review has been submitted to: Family Ties Chapter: 4

From: ANGRY FAN!()

What is wrong with you! You have a perfectly good story and your just lazing about NOT CARING that it isn't finished NOT THINKING about all the people who you have pulled into your own little world and just leaving them hanging. FORE SHAME! Damn you! Damn you and your wonderful writing style. YOU MAKE ME SICK!

Thank you angry fan I will take that into account. And I hope after this chapter you feel a bit better maybe some milk of magnesia would help.

July 15, 2004

BOO!! I moved out and was stuck with an internet-less computer until I finally fixed it 3am last night so I reviewed what I had found a lot of crap and I'm gonna fix that to the best of my meager abilities.

Family Ties 

**Chapter 5:** **The Question**

The sheets rustled slightly as she shifted in bed. The dull pain and pressure keeping her from sleep. Not that she hadn't been sleeping long enough she had spent most of her life sleeping and now she had added another month to her years of missed time. She was tired though, in the few days that she'd been awake she's had trouble sleeping. First she had been to worried about Landis but now that her mind was more at ease the physical ache in her body kept her from getting any sleep. Not that sleep was a good thing, when she did finally even pass out the nightmares would start.

Horrid recaps of her past that refused to leave her alone. The lives she'd lived and lost; and the parts she wished she could loose. Whenever she closed her eyes she could see him. His cold eyes filled with their sadistic pleasure as he slowly tore her to pieces. She felt the bile rising in her throat, the smile on his face as she laid there. She laid there as he did all these the terrible things to her, she just laid there and took it. Took it like the slut everyone had plugged her to be. She put her hand over her mouth to stop a sob from escaping her mouth. She could have fought him, fought him more, could have stopped him. Instead she let him do as he pleased, she couldn't even move. It was like she was watching herself, like one of those stupid girls in old films from when she was a kid. The girls you just knew were stupid the ones you screamed and screamed at not to open that, not to run up those stairs, not to just stand there, but they never listen and they are all over powered by the antagonist.

She took a deep breath trying to push back these self destructive thoughts. She had already told herself she wouldn't do this, she had been brought back for a reason and it was not to wallow and constantly remind herself how easy she had left herself be overpowered. She had come back for her son. The one thing good in her life. Even then the only good thing she had ever had hadn't come without pain. Could she ever just have something that made her happy without trying to destroy her first?

The door latch distracted her from her thoughts and when she turned to look in the now open doorway she felt a sad smile and a small burst of air rush to her lips. There leaning against the doorway in an all too familiar nonchalant manner stood Landis his arms crossed across his chest. He was dressed in blue jeans and a yellow tee-shirt. He looked at her with a quiet regarding seeming not to care but still judging everything around him. That stare was also all too familiar she wasn't sure she liked it there. After he was done scrutinizing her he gave the tinniest of nods.

"Yo." Was all he said to her.

She couldn't stop the short burst of laughter that escaped her mouth. She smiled and shook her head. He smirked back.

"Yo? Is that how you speak to you mother?" She glared at him teasingly.

He shrugged his shoulders and put his hands in his pockets.

She laughed again, "My aren't you the little hard ass. Now get over here and show me just how much you've grown up while I was gone."

Landis' face broke into a real smile; he ran and jumped up on his mother's bed. He hugged her tightly as Faye rocked him gently back and forth. He sat back and she kissed his forehead, his smile only grew. She smirked a bit and poked him playfully in the ribs.

"Who taught you to be such a smart ass in the first place? Huh?" She began to tickle him.

"You, you!" he screamed and he writhed and laughed.

"Me? Are you accusing me of being a smart ass? I don't think I appreciate that. In fact I think that you deserve a tickle for that." She went back at the tickling full force. Landis was kicking and laughing uncontrollably.

"Who's a smart ass now? Huh? Huh? Would you like to redeem yourself young man?" she stopped to allow Landis to catch his breath. The boy took a moment stepped off the bed to straighten his clothes and smiled. Standing by the edge of the bed he suddenly yelled.

"You!"He giggled and stayed just out of arms reach for his mother who after a moment laughed and called him nearer with her finger.

"I have been beaten, I know when I am up against a master."

He cautiously walked up to her his smile still there.

Suddenly she reached out and grabbed him up. "Gotcha!"

The boy screamed in mirth as his mother set him on the bed in front of her and gazed at him with tender eyes.

"Mom?"

She blinked back to reality. "Yes, dear?"

"It really is me."

"I know honey, I just wanted to see what I missed. I did miss you, you know. I missed you more than anything. I never wanted to leave you and I will never do it again. I promise. I will never leave alone again."

"I know mom. Besides I wasn't alone uncle Jet was there and Spike tried to help me. Though I usually had to be the one to help him. Mom, did you know that he didn't even know how to make grilled cheese. He's really sad mom."

Faye swallowed before continuing a conversation that was beginning to tread on thin ice. "You like him then do you?"

"Yeah, he's really fun he's helping me with my karate since I missed so much while I was away. He lets me watch old Bruce Lee movies with him and tells me about his and your adventures at night when I go to bed. He's a really bad cook though, but I think that's cause he doesn't know how to work anything. But like I said he's also really sad."

"Well just cause someone is unfamiliar with everything around them doesn't make them 'sad'".

"No mom," he readjusted himself on the bed and bit his lip a moment. "I mean he's really sad, like you were."

"Like I was? What do you mean, I wasn't sad." Faye gave a sad attempt at a smile.

Landis just looked at her a moment before continuing. "You know your night time blues. He gets those too when he's sitting in his room at night I can hear him when I go to the bathroom. Sometimes I can see it when he tells stories too. He looks just like you, when you had a blue day.

Faye knew what he was talking about her 'blue days'or 'night time blues' those where what she had always told him was happening on the times when she just couldn't hold it together in front of him anymore. She hated those days.

Landis looked at the bed, "He's a really nice guy though, and I really like him. He's fun to hang out with and we have a lot in common. Its funny really we even have the same hair color."

He glanced up at him mother. "Same eyes."

She had been looking out at nothing while he was talking but her head snapped back around with his last two words.

"We look just like each other." He was testing the waters.

Faye's eyes held a fear that she had known from the moment Spike had stepped into this life. She knew what was coming next but no amount of foreknowledge could have ever prepared her for it.

Landis looked back at the bed. Took a deep breath chewed his lip a moment and slid off the bed. Dragging his eyes back up he let them rest on his mother's still fearful green orbs.

"Is Spike my dad?" The boy looked near tears and his teeth bit harder into his lower lip.

Faye felt the salt burn in her own eyes, but tried to brush it aside. Her mouth moved jerkily for a few moments before she could finally get something to work its way out. "What makes you think that honey?" She tried her small smile again but still it didn't work.

"Mom, you told me that dad died. Before I was born." He built up his resolves as he went to ask his next question. "Did you lie to me mommy?!" A single tear slid down his cheek.

"Landis, baby, I, it's not that simple. When you're older

"No, not when I'm older, now! I'm not a little kid. Just tell me mom, tell me he's here." His eyes fell back to the floor and his whispered, "Tell me he loves me."

Faye's mouth hung open for a long time these words were far beyond those of a seven year old. Could she tell him the truth? Could she tell him that yes some where in this house his father was walking around as if he hadn't been gone all this time? She could tell him but she couldn't tell him Spike's feelings. Did he love the boy, he had been concerned for him when he had been kidnapped, but was that love?

"Mom?" Landis inched closer looking for some form of comfort.

A sad look filled her eyes. "I can't, I can't tell you that."

A small sob burst out of the boy as he turned and fled the room.

"Landis!" Faye cried out after him. She once again cursed her infirmity. She couldn't even run after her son. She heard his door slam and a chill ran down her spine.

Landis landed roughly on his bed as his crying started to flow more freely. He was so confused everything he knew kept telling him that Spike was his dad. He could feel it why couldn't anyone else. He had tried to bring it up last night. Not being as direct; he had tried to see if Spike knew his father and had planned on going from there. The man had immediately clammed up. His jaw had open and closed a few times before he could manage anything to come out.

_"I...I did I well that is to say, he, well he was, well he doesn't matter anyway you've got your mom now she's all that you need._

_ "I guess so."_

_ "Oh come on you've got a great mom, she's better than your dad could even hope to be. I mean look at the great job she's been doing all along. I could never have done this for you. Your mom's one in a million, no a billion and she cares about you more than anything else in the world. "Spike paused and looked around nervously. "You don't need someone like him coming in and messing up your lives." Landis noticed how sad Spikes eyes grew as he said this last sentence, he had also noticed what Spike had said earlier in his little speech but he had decided to keep that to himself._

_ "I know, but he's not really for me." Landis said watching Spike's face. "I wish he was here for my mom." _

_"Your mom doesn't need anybody she can take care of herself. _

_ Landis just looked at him for a moment._

_ "You should go to bed so you can wake up rested and ready to help me help your mom." Spike smiled. "How else is she going to get breakfast?" He made sure the covers were pulled tight and stood to leave the room." Good night Landis". Landis didn't respond he was thinking about what Spike had said about taking care of him and how the sad look that he usually had had only intensified when he had brought up the subject of his dad._

Now sitting here in his room Landis was sure that his feelings were right and he knew that Spike had to be his dad now the only thing left to do was to figure out why both grownups didn't want to tell him or even tell them selves.

He heard the banging of pots and rushed down stairs to help Spike with the breakfast before he ruined too much of the food.

Spike walked up the stairs carrying the tray of food they had prepared for Faye he had though Landis would carry it but when he had asked, the boy had adamantly refused. It was weird the kid seemed kinda shut down. _That's probably your fault retard for acting like a jackass last night._ It wasn't his fault though, not really, it wasn't like he could tell the kid Ôyeah I knew your dad, he's me and as much as I'm an asshole I really do want to try and make things right. I want to be part of your life, I'm in love with your mom, though she cant seem to stand me, which is no surprise; and I never want to miss another moment with you.' _Damn that was lame. If only I didn't suck at talking so much._ The problem of how to tell Landis was over powered by the problem of could he tell him. Not only was it insanely difficult to get it out he was pretty sure that Faye would kill him if he told the kid. And he wasn't sure that she wouldn't just pull him out of his life again and he didn't want to lose him. So if he could never tell him but he was allowed to see him then he would deal with that. He knew he wasn't really in a position to demand a lot of things besides even if he did demand it would probably only make Faye fight him even harder. He should confront her, demand to be in Landis' life, demand to know if she had meant what she had said.

He came to the door prepared and firm set. Faye couldn't avoid him he would get answers he would make decisions. He would; forget everything when he opened the door. Faye was standing in front of her mirror, robe hanging down by her waist once again looking at the state of her body. He didn't mean to look, it wasn't intentional, but it was just there and how could you not see? Her back was like a porcelain doll smooth and perfectly shaped but there in the center was a small line of red pink tissue as if someone had taken a marker to the back of this expensive doll and almost destroyed it.

A small gasp turned him away from his thoughts. Her hand rested on the corresponding if not slightly larger mark in between her breasts. Their eyes met in the mirror and held. She looked scared and so very sad; Spike nearly dropped the tray he wanted to just hold her until she could smile again. She looked away quickly and the moment was lost. She covered herself and turned around to face him.

"You shouldn't be out of bed." It was all he could think of saying.

"I'm fine." As if to prove her point she took a few steps towards her bed and closer to Spike. Who in turn placed the breakfast tray down and reached out to pull back the sheets to help her out.

"I'm not an invalid you know. I don't need your help." Spike just nodded a bit, he had expected something in fact he was surprised she hadn't reamed him for seeing her in the mirror.

"Look if I'm stuck here I'm gonna do something."

She slid onto the bed some what shakily and picked up her cup of tea. She watched the steam flow from off the mug for a few moments. Spike opened his mouth to start the questions when she suddenly spoke still staring intently into the light tan mixture of liquid in front of her.

"Is that how you feel, that you're stuck here?"

There go his demands, his security. "I... umm no of course... I just... it seems that you...you don't really want me here." At least he was still looking at her he could give himself points for that.

She looked up at him biting her lip. "I never said that." Step up, put your heart in the guillotine, and find out the state of the revolution today.

He kneeled by the bed, "Faye when you told me, when we said those things I just need to know did you mean it?" He stared into her eyes his hand came to her face keeping her from looking away. "Cause I did. I never want to..."

"MOM! Look Ed and Karen are..." Landis' call burst into the room along with him and two women and stopped as abruptly as their bodies in the doorway.

Yay for the corniness. Now as always I guarantee nothing but I am working less havent started school and have the internet in my room now so hopefully i can get rigth on this. any one else think this story is full of cheese. oi. oh well by for now.

Questions scarred the hobbit for life.


	6. Past Lives

For those of you who were like Karen, wft mate? Don't worry you didn't forget her you haven't met her yet. Well until now that is.

Let's get started right away! Its like a bloody after school special.

Ok so I don't own Bebop, but I do own Landis who I will keep forever and Karen who could be auctioned off for the right price I mean she is quite the bitch and I have a reputation to hold here.

Oh and in other news Hooly crap for crap an update with in three months and not only that but with in two weeks hot damn. And the other good news is I already have three pages of the next chapter done. Maybe you will all get it before I go away in the beginning of August but again I guarantee nothing.

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 6: Past Lives**

Spike and Faye snapped away from each other. Spike stood taking a few steps away from the bed. Faye took a sip of her tea and looked up at her guests.

"Ed, Karen, what brings you here?" A slight blush tinted her cheeks.

The twenty-one year old hacker blinked a few times. Karen, a woman in her mid-thirties with long black hair and sharp brown eyes had a less then pleased look on her face.

The woman looked at Faye. "We came to visit you, Jet told us you were back home. I didn't realize you might be busy."

Faye looked uneasy.

Spike stepped forward a bit. "Karen?" he asked connecting the name. "You know Jet? Can't say I've heard him mention you, but then again he hasn't exactly been telling me everything. I'm Spike-"

Her dark brown eyes turned to glance at him. "I am fully aware of who _you_ are Mr. Spiegel." She didn't even bother hiding the dislike in her voice. "The question isn't who are you it's what are you doing here?" She looked at Faye with the question.

"Jet told him-" Spike cut Faye off before she could say anything else.

"I'm here to help Faye." Spike stood a little bit taller, he could handle Faye, there was no way this woman would be able to get to him.

"Yes help her, well I believe she has had enough of your kind of help in the past she doesn't need it again right now. So you may feel free to leave we can take it from here."

"Yeah ok, so who are you?" Spike oozed with sarcasm, just who did this lady think she was.

"My name is Karen Duvall, Faye has been my best friend since she came back to Earth." Her voice changed to carry a heavier tone. "I've been with her for everything, I helped her get an apartment, a job,_ I_ was even there when Landis was born." She glared at him. "_We_ are practically family. But you wouldn't understand something like that, caring, compassion, _commitment._ Family-"

"Look lady, I don't know who shoved a tree up your ass but I don't need you coming in here and condemning me for all the wrong shit that I did in my life. You don't even know me, so how the hell do you think you know what I understand!"

"Look here you deadbeat bastard-"

"Karen! Don't say that" Faye snapped glaring at her friend from her place on the bed. Spike felt a momentary surge of joy in being defended. "Landis is in the room." Or not, Spike thought sinking back down.

"Kay-kay." Ed placed a hand on Karen's shoulder. "Kay-kay please."

"Fine I'll stop, but _he_ should leave."

Spike just looked at the woman a mixture of confusion and loathing stuck to his face. Why did this woman hate him so much? Granted he was no stranger to hate from the opposite sex, but still at least he usually new the person if not the reason of the hatred. Damn and he thought Faye was a bitch.

"He's a guest in my house he can stay for a bit longer if he wants to."

Spike blinked, had… had that been Faye?

He looked at her and low and behold she looked back at him. It had been her, she…she wanted him to stay? Well maybe wanted was the wrong word but at least she was letting him.

Karen opened her mouth again but Ed beat her to the punch. "Faye-faye we didn't just come to check on you. Ed found" Karen glanced sharply at Ed. "Sorry old habits, I found something I thought you might want to know."

"What?" She looked at the fire haired hacker her mind grasping for what she could possibly be talking about.

"Marcus."

Faye's breath caught for a moment and her eyes darted across the room as if reviewing thoughts when she looked up she asked, "Marcus? You found him? He's alive. Oh my God." A faint glimmer of hope sounded in her voice and shown in her eyes.

"Yes" Ed told her. "And I already talked to him he wants you to see him." Faye's face shown and she smiled slightly.

"He wants to see me?"

"Yes." Karen smiled gently at her friend.

Spike felt left out and even more confused then before. "Who, whose this Marcus guy?"

Karen seemed to smile a bit more as her head turned to look at him and she said the two little words that shocked Spike so that he felt he might fall to the floor if he tried to move at all "Faye's husband."

A black hole, a black spot in the tapestry. The blinds sure did their job of keeping the sun light out. Only slants of it sliding through the cracks and breaks showed the edges of tables and bits of chair. The smoking air that showed only seemed to prove the unholyness of this place. As if it were the light burning whatever it touched that filled the place with smoke.

It was perfect, some people dress to fit their mood. He just found places to personify it. In a galaxy like this it was rarely hard to do.

He was careful to step around the light as he walked to the counter of the bar; knowing that if it were to touch him with its holy light it would burn him as well.

He sat on the tall stool his long legs easily still reaching the floor below them. When the bartender approached he was ready with his start up order. "A double of whiskey and a shot of everclear." His cigarette was already in his mouth as he finished placing the order and the end glowed a soft red before the bartender could turn away. The drinks inturn were also finished almost as quickly as the bartender could put them down. He tapped in front of the everclear class signaling more and the second shot was flowing past his lips when the other man turned to leave.

Spike stopped him, grabbing the arm with the bottle in it. "Just leave it." Spike told the man ripping the bottle from his hand.

"I don't mean to get into your business but its not quite eleven O'clock in the morning. Isn't it a little early to start packing it away that quickly."

Spike just glared at him for a minute, sighed and said. "Yeah now that I think about it, bring the whisky bottle over here too."

After his first initial drowning Spike slowed down, sipping from his glass at a leisurely but brisk pace. Time passed but it didn't matter. Nothing really did. He had spent his whole life looking for something that was just always out of his reach he never really could tell what it was, but now it seemed as if he had found it. It turned out that what he had always been missing was a family. Someone to call his, someone that showed he had a place and a purpose in the world. He had found that with Landis and Faye, well at least he thought he had found it.

Married. He couldn't believe it, why hadn't she told him? _Well she thought you were dead, hell she even thought this other guy was dead._ Man she really had bad luck with guys. Married. The thought kept sticking in his mind. Was that what Faye wanted? She didn't seem the marrying type. Though everybody wanted stability sooner or later. Wasn't that what he had heard her say to Jet? That she was afraid he'd leave. That she was afraid to be alone. But he didn't want to leave. But now, what was he going to do?

"Married." He whispered to himself shaking his head.

"Isn't that a little fast even for you Spike-o."

Spike turned his head as quickly as the alcohol would allow and found himself looking at the sturdy chunk of man that was Jet Black, the still balding but with streaks of gray forty-four year old man that was looming over him at this very moment.

"What the hell do you want Jet?"

"Faye sent me." Spike looked at him in what at one point may have been a questioning look but now was half-assed at best do to the help of the alcohol. "Well sort of she told me you disappeared and I came down to look for you. I figured look for the closest dumpiest bar and I'd find you here."

"Gee," He took another shot. "That really boosts the self-esteem." And poured another shot. "Do you have a purpose here Jet?" He wrapped his fingers around the tiny glass finding it to be more difficult then he remembered. Jet's large hand fell over the glass and his hand prohibiting it from leaving the counter top. "Hey stop." Spike demanded drawing out the 'hey' to a whine and the 's' in a long slur.

Jet moved the at least half emptied bottle of everclear out of Spike's reach.

"Gimme that." Spike reached for the bottle but only spilled the glass of whiskey that had gotten in the way. "Damn." He drew the word out with out any feeling attached to it.

"Damn is right, just what the hell are you doing to yourself kido?"

"Hey, I'm not a kid," Spike waved his free left hand in Jet's face dripping with the spilt whiskey. "Hell I got a kid. So I know, really."

Jet sat down, this could take a while. Spike wasn't the most open when he was sober, at least the alcohol had seemed to loosen his tongue a bit. Not that it seemed to help in the long run since the man seemed to want to ramble about nothing in particular. But what does a run in law enforcement and then as a bounty hunter teach you if not how to get information from guys so plastered they couldn't tell you their mother's maiden name.

"Yeah, so you know. What do you know that would make you want to come here?"

"Ya know. I thought I had found it, but then. Bam!" Spike accentuated the effect with a flourish of his arms that almost sent him backwards over his stool. "It just comes out of the woods and bites you in the ass like one of those damn crazy squirrels."

"Yeah those damn squirrels, So what could be as bad as those squirrels." Its all about coaxing the target.

"The truth man. The truth. Whoever said the truth will set you free should be shot on sight. Wait I know." Spike suddenly reached in his jacket and pulled out his Jericho. "Show me to the bastard, lead the way Jet we'll stop this yet."

"Spike put that damn thing away. You wanna get your ass arrested."

"No! I know I'll find that Mark guy. Have a talk with him." He bounced the gun lightly in his hand. "Its not fair that he gets to keep her. I was here first I did the work." Spike grabbed Jet's shirt collar. "He should understand. I deserve this. I need it. This is right, I'm not just gonna lose it again when I know I have it." He looked at Jet as if trying to convince him. "Its gonna be different this time. I'm gonna be different. I'm a rock. I'm sturdy, I'm gonna take care of 'em."

"Who are you gonna take care of?" Jet asked detaching Spike from his person.

"Faye and Landis."

"Not with that gun your not!"

"No not with, Huh?" Spike looked down at the gun in his hand and started seeing it there. "Why didn't you tell me this was out? You want to get my ass arrested or something."

Jet rolled his eyes. "What is this all about Spike?"

Spike looked at Jet in the eye. "Faye's married."

"What?!"

Spike nodded his head moving up and down in an over exaggerated gesture.

"No she is not."

Spike just continued nodding.

"Look Spike I've know Faye all these years. She is so far from married. Hell the woman didn't even date that I heard of."

"But she is, that bitch she told me. And Ed agreed with her."

"That bitch?" He thought for a moment, once he would have thought that might ment Faye but not now so who. Ohhh of course. "So you've met Karen."

"Yeah that's her name. Man that woman is bitchy, she makes Faye look timid."

Jet laughed a bit. "Yeah, I can see that. Look you shouldn't take her anger personally. Well actually _you_ should take some of it personally cause she really does hate you. But most of it is just general anger towards men and the rest of the world. Karen is an avid feminist. I mean avid. She's tried to convert Faye numerous times. And I don't know how many times I had to think about taking Ed back cause I didn't want that woman filling her head with crazy fanatical bullshit."

"Why does Faye hang around with someone like that?"

"Well she was a strong personality for Faye to kling to when everything around her was just confusing her more and more. She found someone who was just as strong as her or stronger and she liked the idea of having them around. Karen helped Faye out a lot. And Ed for that matter. She's the one that's been raising her all these years. Ed still lives in her basement."

"Oh." Spike tried to make a quick grab for the glass again but Jet incased the tiny glass in his hand again.

"Come on Spike. I'm taking you home." Jet pulled Spike up to a half standing position.

"To the Bebop." Spike said pointing to the door and taking a shaky step towards it.

Jet paid the bartender and put a steadying arm across Spike's shoulders. "Not this time buddy."

"Where we goin'?"Spike asked as they walked out the door and he had to shield himself from all the light that had suddenly found its way to him after all his attempts to hide.

"Faye's house."

"Faye's house." Spike repeated somewhat dreamily as he got in the car.

Jet got in the drivers side, turned the ignition and pulled out driving towards the sun.

"Home." Spike whispered before he was completely asleep.

DONE ! Yay I'm just popping out the chapters oh yeh boom baby! Ok well gtg got work tomorrow and got to sleep so I can work on the next chapter. Also I only got like 4 reviews for this past chapter and I feel that that is very lacking come on people review please!

In the next exciting chapter find out about Marcus! Plus a confrontation with the uberbitch Karen. Oh boy! Whooo you know I can't wait. (Please ignore the sarcasm).

Hobbits make good pets but remember not to give them ale in strange pubs after midnight.


	7. The truth will set you free

I don't want to sound like im boasting cause really im not all that much, but I just makes me really happy when the only bad things people can say about my story is that there is some bad grammer. And that is no surprise to me u should talk to my teachers they bloody hate my grammer. Like loathe!

Yaowzah! More crazy writing stuff.

**PLEASE REVIEW I WRITE SO PEOPLE READ AND TO KNOW IF YOU ARE I NEED FEEDBACK**

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 7: The Truth Will Set You Free**

The inner front door stood open allowing the afternoon sun to inch its way further and further into the house as the day wore on. Just inside and to the left of the front door stood the kitchen small but large enough to hold a small table. On the stove top a tea kettle was whistling. Shuffling came from the room next door. The women sitting around the table all looked up as one to see the steam rising up through the window in the wall that separated the two rooms. Faye moved to stand, but Karen beat her up.

"No Faye you stay there. Its bad enough you're out of bed at all. You should still be resting." The older woman told her friend as she made her way out of the room and into the kitchen.

"I'm not an invalid. How the hell am I suppose to get better if I just lie around all day with nothing to do but think. And thinking is one of the last things I really want to do now."

Karen looked at her through the window and went back to preparing the tea. "Thinking is good, thinking is healthy."

"Not right now it isn't."

"Ok you don't want to think, you don't want to lie about. So come and let us take you to see Marcus. You've had Ed looking for him all this time, and she found him so why not go see him?" She asked walking back into the room and placing down the drinks.

"Oh I do want to see him, I, I just feel really weird about it."  
"Why, cause of Spike? You can't seriously tell me that you still haven't gotten over him? Faye come on you can't keep hoping that one day the world is going to become this picturesque little image." She put her hand over her friends and looked into her eyes. "I know you don't want to face this Faye but it was never about love to him it was about sex. And you have to stop dwelling on it. Move on."

Faye slipped her hand from under Karen's and looked away from her.

"Faye." Karen said pointedly.

Faye shook her head slightly and bit her lip.

Karen looked at Ed who joined in. "Faye-Faye I know you're happy to see Spike-person again but he always was haphazard. And Ed doesn't want to see you sad again."

"I'm not!" Faye took a breath to calm herself and tried again. "I'm not glad to see Spike again. In fact the thought of seeing him again scared me to death. But I just… I just couldn't back out. I had to see, had to see if he still looked the same if he was still that same aragent bastard. Or if time had done the same thing to him it had done to me. I wanted to see if he had suffered I wanted to see it in his face!" The fire and quick anger that had once been her trademark began to surface again. "I wanted to have some kind of sick justice something that proved that he was worse off then me. Something to prove that I was better than him, that I meant something."

The other two women just looked at Faye anticipation sparked in their eyes.

Faye laughed and shook her head, looking down at the table she smiled once and said. "But I didn't see it. It wasn't there. He was still as strong still as capable. Damnit he was still as unbelievably attractive as I had remembered him. Hell he was even better looking. I had promised to stay for a half hour forty-five minutes tops. But when I was there I just couldn't look away it was all I could do to keep my head straight and not let anything slip. Damn I wish I knew how he could grab a hold of me like that. So no Ed I'm not happy to see Spike at all. I feel so confused whenever he's near that I'd wish he would just leave, but at the same time something tells me that I just wouldn't be able to stand to watch him walk away again."

"Faye you are making this harder on yourself then it really is. He doesn't lo…"

"Shut up Karen I am not getting into another argument with you about this. It's different this time ok. Things are different we aren't just talking about some intangible person anymore he's here and there are a lot more factors involved! So just drop it! For once in your life let someone around you make their own decisions!"

Karen looked only slightly stunned but the sound of a car pulling in and parking stopped any response she may have had.

Through the screen of the front door car doors were heard. First one shut with a strong force then a second opened, some muffled speech and a much more hesitant shutting, followed by a "hey not so loud." Two sets of foot steps one heavy and set the other smoother but lacking in a complete rhythm.

Faye stood up from her chair. The footsteps halted, "Look Spike you better hold it in, Faye's gonna be pissed if you puke in her roses. Come on Spike we're almost there." A few more steps then the sounds of quick and unbalanced movement. "Woah buddy. You got it? Look Spike-o pull yourself together. I'm not dragging your lanky ass all the way through the house."

"Yeah, yeah whatever don't push me. Hey I said don't push me!"

"Man are you ever cranky when you're woken up from your naps."

There were a few more steps and the shaky feet found their way to the porch steps. A large object blocked the light in its passage up the floor . "Ha, beat you old man." Spike said as he nearly reached the door.

"Yeah, I'll just wait for you to get the door for me then." Jet's heavy footsteps caught up to Spike's.

A slight jiggling of the handle and the door unlatched only to fall back shut. A mumbled 'damn' and the process repeated itself.

"Yeah that's what I thought, alright Spike move and let an old man show you how it's done." Faye walked slowly into the hall with the help of her cane. There silhouetted against the early afternoon sun stood Jet holding the door open for a lumbering and slightly stooped Spike. She took a few more small steps standing near the bottom of the stairs and holding the railing for added support.

"Spike?" She sounded confused as if she couldn't believe this lumbering dark figure could possibly be him.

He merely grunted and continued on his way towards the stairs and inadvertently towards her.

"Where were you?" She didn't think to mask her concern in the presence of others she didn't even remember they were there. This had been the though in her head ever since he had run off a ten that morning. Karen had told him that Marcus was her husband and he was gone. He stood there for a moment, turned and just left. She had wanted to go after him but she had only gotten up and to the room door before she felt her legs were ready to give up. Traitors. She had a job to do and they had left her stranded. Though there was hardly a part of her that wasn't a traitor when Spike was around. It was near impossible to keep control of the sum of her parts. It was sheer willpower, that and reminding herself that it was her lack of control that had started all her problems with Spike. So she kept the revolution at bay, but every day, every time Spike was near it got harder and she wasn't sure how much longer she could last. The only thing was she could probably handle this except there floating behind all this desire and want was fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being left, but even greater then the two combined was her new found fear of intimacy; a sick sticky acid fear that slid across her skin, and rose in her throat. "Where did you go?" She asked realizing that he hadn't responded to her question.

He was right in front of her now, he reached out and grabbed her cane arm setting her off balance. Her eye's widened in fear, fear of falling but even more so of finding Spike still attached after she did. He leaned towards her face.

"Guess." The sharp and grating stench of alcohol burned her nostrils. She turned her head slightly and coughed. His hand tightened around her wrist twisting it slightly.

"Spike, you're hurting me." She whispered her eyes still wide and fear and pain lacing her voice. Her legs and arm on the banister began to tremble unable to continue holding her up much longer.

"What's the matter Faye, I thought you liked it rough. You sure seemed to have liked it, screaming so loud you woke up the whole God damn ship."

A light red tint sped across Fayes face and she looked down. But soon looked back up embarrement fuled anger purced on her face."Spike you're drunk."

"Maybe I am, what's the matter with you Faye not drunk enough or dying so you don't give a shit about me?" He jerked her arm up causing her to nearly loose her balance.

"Spike please, don't." He didn't listen he just stared at her their faces inches apart.

"Spike? Mommy?" Landis stood halfway down the stairs looking at the adults.

Spike looked up at the boy but didn't loosen his grip on Faye at all.

"Go upstairs Landis." Faye said trying to remove any trace of her fear or pain from her voice.

Apparently it didn't work. "Does it hurt mom? Is he hurting you?"

"No baby I'm fine."

Spike shook her a bit, "stop lying, all you ever do is lie to people. Answer his question." He accented his sentence with another quick shake.

"Yes." She cried near tears. "It does hurt, it hurts a lot."

Landis took a few more steps down so that his face was level with theirs and just as close. His small hand rested over Faye's arm on the banister but he looked at Spike.

"Why are you hurting mommy?" Spike looked at him slightly confused. Landis bit his lip a moment and looked intently into Spike's eyes. "Daddy, why are you hurting mommy?" He asked quietly, purposefully, and almost with a dangerous tone.

Spike paled. His hand quickly releasing Faye. He took a shaky step back unable to unlock the gaze that Landis had him in.

Faye stared at Landis her brain stuck on what she had just heard. It just kept skipping over and over burning itself into her brain.

Spike's back hit into the wall his eyes still glued to their miniature. The air was heavy and yet at the same time he felt that if he wasn't careful his feet might leave the floor and even the lightest of breezes would blow him away. A heavy weight on his shoulder kept him from drifting away. Spike finally tore himself away to find Jet standing next to him a hand on his shoulder.

"You should go sleep that stuff off Spike."

"Yeah." Spike answered like a zombie. He started for the stairs again. Landis was gone, Faye was sitting on the floor her back against the banister. Her eyes were wide open and she was staring off into some unseen place.

As Spike walked up the stairs past where she was sitting her hand came up.

"Spike?" She asked not turning to look at him.

His own hand reached down and held hers softly. "I know Faye."

She turned to look at him, there eyes met and her lips moved in an unspoken word. Spike's eyes held small glimmers. "It's cool." He gave her hand a small squeeze and let it go, continuing up the stairs.

Faye's hand rested in her lap and as soon as Jet and Spike were up the stairs Karen and Ed rushed over to her.

"Faye are you alright? How badly did he hurt you?"

Faye only looked through her and a small smile began to form on her face.

"Faye?"

She had looked at him as he held her hand and mouthed the word that had been burned into her mind. _Daddy_. She was so afraid he would freak, but instead his eyes shown and he said.

"It's cool." Her lips tried the phrase and went back to their smile that was beginning to seem as if it would be stuck there.

"Good morning. I hope you're feeling better."

"Yeah sure except for my head." He paused. "Look Faye I'm sorry."

She smiled, actually she hadn't stopped yet. Last night the nightmares had never come. "That's twice you've apologized to me Spike Spiegel you better stop or its going to turn into a habit. And you Jet I trust the couch has served you well?"

"As always, better then my bed back home."

"Well I suppose I shouldn't beat around the bush. Pull up a chair. I'm afraid it's a long story." She waited for the two men to take seats, Spike sitting to the side of her bed while Jet sat across from her on a chair he had pulled to the end the bed.

"To start off, Spike, Marcus was Husband Karen didn't lie to you."  
Jet opened his mouth to interrupt.

"Just wait Jet, but Spike I haven't been married to Marcus since before the gate accident. Marcus had been declared a widower and the marriage was terminated. Now Jet does that answer your question?"

He nodded.

"Ok I'll start from the beginning then. I was betrothed when I was twelve. I know what you're thinking a stupid custom, one that didn't exist anymore. I mean really it was the twenty-first century people didn't get betrothed anymore. Well I guess I was what you might call a specialty case." Faye stopped for a moment and looked out across the room her mind obviously trying to process more information so that she could get it out. Suddenly her eyes softened and a smile spread across her face.

"His name was Marcus Salerno. The only son of _the_ Salerno family. The head family on the west coast of America." She saw Jet's eyebrow come up a bit and Spike's eyes look as if he were searching through some file. "Yes, I mean mafia family." They both looked slightly surprised at her. "What?"

Jet looked at her a moment more before asking, "Why would your family ever want to betroth you to a mafia family?"

"To add blood to the families' ties." The confusion only seemed to settle deeper on their faces. "Ok let me start with this. My father was Fa Hung." Their eyebrows rose she smiled a bit more. "I see you boys know your history."

"Wait let me get this straight Faye, are you telling me that you are the daughter of Hung Fa, the boss who brought together all of the Chinese triads and the west coast American Italian Mafia?" Jet asked.

"Yes."

"So that makes you the daughter he lost in the accident the one who was married into the Italian mob to ah… I… uh see what you were saying before now."

"Yes Jet, can I continue?" She glanced at him momentarily before starting up.

"Like I was saying I had to marry into the Salerno family and it could have been worse believe me. Marcus was a great pick. He was so handsome and had been a close friend of mine since I was a little girl. We had a house in California near his and I had played with him often when our fathers were having meetings. This was when Don Salerno and my father had been working on unifying the various families and fractions."

"My mother was American born and when I was old enough for high school I was moved back to the states to be able to be near Marcus as much as was possible. Which still wasn't much cause by that time he was in collage, but at least we were in the same country. He was six years older than me, had graduated top of his class and was now in business school at Harvard." Faye glanced back at Spike who was watching her intently soaking up the details of her past. A past she hadn't even known she had when he had known her. A past that had helped to make her into who she was today even when she didn't know it.

"I moved over from Singapore before my freshman year and didn't know anyone but him and a few of his friends, but the fact that I was going to marry him gave me quiet the status before I even set foot in that high school. Everyone was so sugary sweet to me, it was almost sickening. He had friends there still when I first arrived boys and girls who had been freshman or sophomores when he was a senior, he made sure they took care of me and then they had younger friends who took over after they graduated. The boys were always nice though respectful. I was 'Marky's girl' and that meant I wasn't to be messed with. So there was noting I could do but remain friends with any guys I knew since we all knew that there was no point in ever asking me out because whether or not I wanted to the answer would always have to be no." Faye looked sad to herself for a while.

"I guess we all have to give up something if we are going to have it all. I gave up a life of my choosing for one that was planed for me and was, as my father would often repeated to me when I would get upset for what I had to go through, for the good of the family and the business. My sacrifice would help to solidify the world for my children and the future of the families. 'Ling Faye' he would say to me, 'Ling you have a chance to be a great heroine of your people just like your ancestor Fa Mulan.'" Her eyes were somewhat down cast as she spoke almost consoling herself rather than telling them a story.

Then Faye looked up with a dreamy look to her eyes and a small smile on her face. "We were married on a sea cliff looking over the ocean with a very large guest list, mostly people that Marcus and I didn't know but were business associates with our families. Our mothers had designed it, it was so beautiful flowers everywhere, Marcus knew how much I loved roses so he made sure that we were married under an archway of roses." Her smile grew and she absentmindedly put her hands to her cheeks to cover the blush that accompanied the memory.

Spike tried to smile back but the growing ache in his heart and the fact that he didn't think that she would even notice him made it impossible. He had provoked this, he had wanted to know, now he wished he hadn't. This guy seemed to be perfect in Faye's eyes, everything he couldn't be.

"That sounds nice," was all he could force out.

She blinked back to Spike, a half smile on her face. "Yes it was, but I was too scared to think about it at the time."

Spike and Jet looked at her somewhat lost.

"I was only sixteen."

Their eyes widened.

"You were what?" Jet stumbled out before realizing what he had said.

"I was so frightened, Anthony, Marcus' best man, found me crying on the staircase. He got Marcus who came running around the corner as if I'd been stabbed."

Spike's face fell and Faye bit her lip. "Bad analogy, sorry. So he came over and just sat there holding me telling me how everything would be all right and that I would see how fun it would be. He had always been my security blanket more like a big brother and best friend then future husband. Our house was beautiful, on the California cost line a joint effort between our families. They had stocked it with furniture, maids, cooks, drivers, and plenty of bedrooms." She laughed to herself.

"You see the familes were looking to us to give us their heirs, and my, if they were ever insistent about it. Six months after we were married I was pregnant. I felt kind of weird being so young and pregnant I felt like it should be wrong but there wasn't anything bad or immoral about it. In fact it was almost the opposite I had both my mother and my mother in law breathing down my back for those first six months telling me it was a sin that I wasn't pregnant already and that I should pay better attention to my wifely duties." Faye started to laugh again and didn't stop for some time, the two men continued to stare at her befuddled by this woman's changing emotions. Spike was feeling more and more uncomfortable the longer this story was going on. _Just what did you get yourself into here Spikey boy._ First he hears about this great, perfect, wonderful guy, then an equally wonderful house, and then to have to hear about 'wifely duties' and Faye being pregnant this was implying things that he didn't want to be reminded of took place.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry" She said between laughing bursts. "It's just that whenever I think of them telling me 'better' ways to be intimate with my husband well it just, I mean its just to funny for words. I mean considering."

Again the men just stared at her. "I mean considering Marcus and the way he was and all." She looked to them for recognition but got nothing. "Come on Jet, you're an ex-cop you knew about my father don't tell me you didn't know about Marcus."

Jet shrugged his shoulders. "Marcus Salerno, umm he was the son of Paul Salerno the don of the Salerno family but never rose to power."

Now it was Faye's turn to looked confused.

Spike added. "He was bumped from the seat when there was an uprising and the groups began to dissipate again. He was said to have given it up without a fight and agreed to take a place in Old Napa Valley where he lived with a few loyal subjects and his young daughter. The syndicates never bothered to touch him, they respected his decision. It was always such a strange story."

"Marcus never wanted the power anyway. He was just a victim of fate like me. It can suck being only children." She stopped and seemed to remember something suddenly. "But wait that's all you guys know about him?"

They nodded.

She laughed again. "Marcus you sneaky little bastard, I can't believe you kept it a secret all these years."

"Ah hem." Jet cleared his throat. "Kept what a secret?"

Faye looked them squarely in the eye. "Marcus was gay."

The men blinked for a moment. Spike slowly felt his tension easing away. A gay guy, she had been married to a gay guy. He had been comparing himself to a gay guy. Well no wonder he looked so crappy in comparison. No straight man could compare to a gay guy. In most woman's eyes they were like the perfect men (well some of them) they had all the qualities a girl wanted and none of the bad habits that girls hated about guys. They only had one flaw and that almost made them even more desirable. Any woman is more attracted to something once she knows she can't have it.

"He was _What_?!" Jet seemed to be having some problem filing away the information.

Spikes smile grew and he started to chuckle. Softly and to himself but it was growing louder. He hadn't laughed in so long, he didn't remember when he laughed last. He leaned back in his chair and let himself laugh then he caught Faye's eye she seemed surprised but not in a bad way. In a content way. He smiled back, things were looking up.

OK so the beginning of this chapter kinda ran away from me. I was typing it at like 4am and it just came out but I have to see I was very happy, the second half I actually wrote a bit ago thinking I would put it in the last chapter but things didn't work out that way. Ok so there may be a rael break beween this and the next chapter as I am going away in about a week for a week and then as soon as I get off I'm having my wisdom teeth removed so I'll be out of it for a while.

Oh and please review I held back posting this chapter hoping for more reviews.


	8. Steps in the Right Direction

This was taken from an adultswim game but it fits with my story as well

(It also helps to have a heathy imagination, as this is a text adventure with no graphics. But if you quint at your screen the pretty letters look like they are dancing. Dance away, sweet alphabet! Your seductive gyrations beckon with the promise of linguistic fulfillment.)

Well getting your wisdom teeth out sucks, my mouth hurts and I'm all chipmunky. So yeah I actually started this chapter in a notebook while I was on the plane back from Jersey. I cant decide if I like doing things like that better or not. Have it set up and ready to write so when it shows up its like a second draft or to just put out what flowed out originally. Hmmm. Also like I said wisdom teeth out and on meds so I apologize in advance if there are even more errors then usual.

Ah the joys of adult swim. Sea Lab rocks so hard. And I wish there was a way I could get Inuyasha without emptying my bank account.

It's the return of the poorly worked in songs. Do I suck cause I do this? Sometimes I wonder. Oh well I think things out to much in movie form.

On that note though I don't own the songs "I get along without you very well" and "I nearness of you."

or Bebop etc etc, I totally have the same sentiment as Kawaiibabe14

"Disclaimer: if I owned Vash I would be writing this fic. I would be up in my room. With Vash. Need I continue? XD"

That goes for Spike and Vash for me oh and you could add in Inuyasha oh and save sparks for later. I got an inhaler so I'm good to go.

YAY for the lack of chipmunkness!!

Ok I start back into classes mon so that means that if you thought this was a long wait, prepare yourself they may get as bad as the first four chapters. With the spacing between and all. Also I'm sorry if I seem to be dragging this out I don't plan for these chapters to turn out like this I mean I started of in my original outline with what will now(hopefully) be taking place in the next chapter as chapter 4 so ah. It's just when I start writing them they just seem to keep flowing out.

Yay for school, only not.

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 8: Steps in the Right Direction**

The soft somber sounds of Jazz lined the hallway thickening the air and making breathing near impossible. The world out side its bubble was removed quieted and forgotten.

_I get along without you very well_

_Of course I do_

_Except when soft rains fall_

_And drip from leave, then I recall_

_The thrill of being sheltered in your arms_

_Of course, I do_

_But I get along without you very well_

Faye sat at her computer but the work had quickly forgotten. She was lost in the song watching it play out through the moonlight of the rain streaked window.

There was some disorder that people had that made them depressed when it rained. She had always meant to look up the name, then she could tell people a name to what would happen to her. She didn't need a name, she already had one. Spike. That was the reason she always cried when rained. There was just something about him that reminded her of the rain and the rain always reminded her of him.

_I've forgotten you just like I should_

_Of course I have_

_Except to hear your name or someone's laugh that is the same_

_But I've forgotten you just like I should_

Sometimes it wasn't just the rain, it was people too. Like this guy at work, John, he was like really tall and skinny and when ever he took his cigarette break he would stand by the back door against the wall just out of the light. Or at least he used to, he had scared her so many times he started standing in the light and calling out whenever she left so she wouldn't go all pale and freeze up. Or that poor grad student who had worked in her department last summer he had just wanted to finish his thesis on gender roles in the early 21st century. It wasn't his fault that his voice just happened to carry that same baritone that haunted her dreams. The poor boy thought that he had offended her and kept trying to apologize and be extra nice, it only made things worse.

_What a guy, what a fool am I _

_To think my breaking heart could kid the moon_

_What's in store, should I phone once more?_

_No, its best if I stick to my tune_

The soft click of a door followed by smooth steps that slowly grew nearer broke into the bubble of the hall. The source of the steps had felt the change in the air as soon as he had opened the door. The thickness kept him from moving any faster, he was in a trace moving slowly across the divide to the soft blue light and weighing music. He leaned on the doorframe watching her as she sat in her high backed chair surrounded by papers and notes yet obviously in a very different place. She seemed enraptured by the music, as if she were a physical representation of it. A human mirror of emotions.

_I get along with out you very well_

_Of course I do_

_Except perhaps in spring_

_But I should never think of spring_

_For that would surely break my heart in two._

He could have watched her all night seeing her emotions play out across her face like that. He could see this kind of sad contentment that he knew all to well. He knew it would be awkward if she found him here staring at her. And it wouldn't help if he told her he was only doing it cause he had to, he couldn't help it. He wanted to be near her, to protect her, but if all he was allowed to do for now was watch then he would do that. And he would be damned if he lost that.

"Faye," he whispered rapping his knuckles against the wall gently. She blinked rapidly clearing away the memories of a spring eight years ago.

"Oh Spike, uh, did you want something?"

"I ahhh, ummm," what had he come out here for anyway? "that is, uh, what are you doing out of bed?" _Oh yeah real smooth_.

Faye looked at him somewhat annoyed and rolled her eyes. "Work." She replied turning back to the screens she had been neglecting. "I had been working on a proposal for an exhibit piece on the Return of the Jazz age in the late 20th early 21st centuries, before, you know, everything. So I was hoping to get back on it so I might actually have something to show the proposal committee. Next review time you know is coming up soon and-"

"So you let Landis go with Jet?"

She clamed up for a second. "Oh that um yeah, he seemed like he really wanted to do it. I swear he's getting attached to that rusty old bucket; and the bebop. They, ah, they left this afternoon."

"Oh." He watched her, she had completely sealed off again when he bought this up. It was a disappointment, but what had he really hoped for? He knew that Jet and the kid had already left, he also knew that Landis hadn't talked to either him or Faye since that whole thing on the stairs yesterday. He still felt bad about that, and kinda weird. He wasn't entirely sure what had happened and what he had said but he had a feeling that it hadn't been exactly proper so to speak.

He wanted to know if it bothered her, hell it had to bother her, what he really wanted was her to tell him. Tell him that she felt bad because her son had given her the cold shoulder. He just wanted to start to break into her icy outer layer. Jet hadn't just taken the kid cause Landis had asked him, Jet thought that this might give Spike and Faye a chance to work out their problems in privet.

Alone time. Right. So he should do something nice. Right. Something romantic? Eh, even the sound of it was kinda weirding him out. Something that showed he care. Yeah. Something that showed that he never wanted to loose her again. One thought sprang to mind, but hw mentally screamed and quickly pushed it back down again. That was something to big something that at this stage of the game could only backfire. Besides how could he even have fathoumed something like that it was so, not him. So binding. Ok so something way less extreme. What was it that Ed had told hm?

_"Spike-person."__ Ed said pulling him away from where Jet and Karen were beginning to argue._

_ "Spike-person Ed wants to ask you a question and Spike-person must promise to be completely honest with Edward."_

_ "Sure Ed, what is it?"_

_ "Spike-person do you love Faye-faye?"_

_ The question, of course, caught him completely off guard. "Ed well ya see, its kinda more complicated then that."_

_ "Don't give me that bullshit Spike, its simple do you love her or not?"_

_ Spike looked at the young woman shocked at how different she had become._

_ "Fine, don't answer me, look I just wanted to tell you that I agree with Jet." She looked him in the eye and held his gaze. "You _can _be really good for her, she's always needed something and I know she can finally find it with you. And I think that with a little help she'll realize that too." She glared a bit. "But just so you know if you hurt her again Ed will personally destroy you."_

_ Spike involuntarily swallowed hard. "Look Ed, I ah don't want to do anything that could you know hurt her really. Dispite how much of an ass I've been. I really Don't I mean, I really do, you know care and-"_

_ Ed Smiled. "Ed knows. It's easy to see Spike-person loves Faye-faye and that Faye-faye loves Spike-person. She stood up for you in front of Karen she tried to hide it but she did it none the less and Karen is no easy person to stand up against, Ed knows. The only problem is that you two can't seem to show it to each other. But don't worry Spike-person this is your chance to help Faye-faye. Ed knows you can make her happy." She was about to turn when she stopped, "There was something Faye told me just before I left the Bebop, after she had taken me to earth and I found that picture of my father. She told me that she had found where she belonged and that I had somewhere I belonged too. I ended up finding my place, but I don't think she had been right about herself." She gave a sad smile and said while turning away. "She had been right about one thing though."_

_ "What was that?" Spike asked her retreating form._

_ Ed looked over her shoulder at him and smiled even larger. "Belonging _is_ the very best."_

_ Spike watched as she walked back over to Jet and Karen and was greeted with smiles and a quick hug from Jet._

Belonging. Was that what Faye wanted? Somewhere to belong? Damn, wasn't that like what everyone wanted? The more he thought about it the more it made sense; every life that Faye had lived so far had met with a not so happy ending. First her life with Marcus and her little daughter, _what was her name again, oh __Alexandria__, yeah that was it._ She lost them in the accident and had woken up alone with noting but debts to a name she didn't even know. Then she had tried to rebuild her life with that Whitney guy and he had abandoned her with even more debt. And then she found the Bebop, a place where only the most messed up and desperate could call home. And that's where she thought she had finally found her home, she had even told him that right before he left. No wonder it was such a big deal to her every time she thought she had found security or belonging before everything had just blown up in her face more than once literally. It was amazing she ever liked gambling to being with, she had the worst luck. Anyone who got knocked up after one alcohol induced night, no matter how fantazmic that night had been, definitely had the universes worst luck.

"Spike!"

"Huh, what?" Spike realized he had been spacing out while he was still standing in the door way.

Faye sighed again, he had been staring at past her with all these weird expressions on his face, all but the last one that is the last one she completely recognized and it made her very very uncomfortable. Not just because of him but because of what it was doing to her. He was hard enough to resist normally but when he looked at her like he was gonna give a repeat performance of that night she had to grip the handles of her chair to stop herself from jumping on him right there. _Oh God, I am a slut, Damn it!_

"Please," she said the plastic of her arm rests creaking under her fingers. "Don't look at me like that."

"Oh sorry."

She watched him a moment more got her freakish hormones under control and turned back to her work biting her lip.

"Uh Faye."

Why was he making this so hard. "WHAT!" she screamed snapping the end of her right arm rest.

"Gee Faye are you alright?"

"NO!"

"No?"

_Breathe in and out, ah yes, see calm calm._ "I mean yes, I'm fine, I'm just trying to get some work done and you keep" she stumbled for the right word. "Being there."

"Maybe your working to hard, you should take a break. Come one we can, uh" Spike scratched the back of his head. "Do something you know."

_Breathe in and out, ok suppress any and all bad thoughts that could have possibly come from that statement. Agh. You get out we don't want you here. No, gotta keep it clean._ "There is nothing that I could think of that I would want to do with you Spike Spiegel."

"Oh come on I know that's a lie."

_Damn it! Surpress, surpress. Oh come on he's walking us right into these. The dirty bastard. Next he'll probably offer to help us to bed._

"But I guess if you really are busy I could go though you should rest I could help you back to your room if you need it."

_That's close enough for me! The man is a raging pervert. No that would be us. Damn it again!_ Faye sighed. "Ok maybe a break would be good." She rolled the kinks out of her neck. "What did you want to do." _Doh__! Note to self learn to talk in a way that wont let ones dirty mind take over._

Spike froze, the pressure was on he had to think of something to do before she brushed him off again. _What, what, what, what to do? Agh, I might be able to think better with out this damn music invading my brain. Ah, yes that's it! Music._

"We could dance."

"Dance?"

"Yeah sure it can be relaxing."

"_Dance?_ Spike I do not have time to, dance. Please just leave me alone go watch tv or something."

"I don't wanna watch tv. I wanna dance with you."

"Oh Spike your acting ridiculous. You know what happen to the lazy, laze-fare, I don't give a shit about anything Spike? When the hell did you become so needy and so damn talkative?"

Spike rubbed his palm against the back of his head. "I ah, don't know, he grew up I guess." Faye looked at him her face hiding any hint of how she might feel about what he said. "Besides, its not like you're the same. I mean you used to be all bitchy, and annoying, and lazy, not to mention a cheat and a money grubbing wench. Now your all like career mom and everything just works out for you all nice and daintily. Now you're just like good. I mean what right do you have to just go and change and become all well rounded and adjusted to society. What are you trying to prove, I know I'm a screw up why'd you have to go and shove it in my face by proving that people like us can make it. I spent all this time consoling myself on the fact that I just couldn't be any ware close to normal or happy, and you go and prove me wrong again and again." Spike froze not really sure what the point was of all the rambling that kept spewing out of his unstoppable mouth. Faye just looked at him. "Damn it Faye say something woman."

"Alright."

"Alright, what the hell is that suppose to mean?"

"It means." Faye said as she slowly and carefully stood up and pushed her chair in. "Alright, I'll dance with you."

"You will? After that? Cause I think I insulted you in there. Maybe."

"You probably did, but there's nothing new about that. So who cares?"

"_Who cares?_ Faye _are_ you feeling ok?"

"Probably not but can we forget about that for ten minutes and dance, I missed out on my chance to dance with the old Spike, I don't want to do the same thing with the new one." She stepped up to him and stopped an arms length in front of him. "Have to warn you though I don't have the greatest balance yet."

"Don't worry." He told her as he wrapped a hand around her back and lightly placed her arm on his shoulder. "I won't let you fall."

_It's not the pale moon that excites me_

_That thrills of delights me_

_Oh no, its just the nearness of you_

_It isn't your sweet conversation_

_That brings this sensation_

_Oh no, its just the nearness of you_

She stumbled a bit at first her legs not used to having more then halting steps demanded of them, but his hands held true and it was hardly noticeable. She felt conflicted to say the least. __Was allowing herself to admit and act that she was still in love with Spike Spiegel a good thing? _Maybe Jet is right maybe I should relax, this does feel really good._

_When I'm in your arms_

_And I feel you so close to me_

_All my, wildest dreams come true_

Involuntarily Faye found herself closing her eyes and then even resting her head on his chest. She felt so secure, she could just fall asleep wrapped in his arms. Then the thoughts occurred to her that she had fallen asleep in his arms before, she just always felt safe there.

_I need no soft lights to enchant me_

_If you only grant me_

_The right to hold you ever so tight_

_And to feel in the night_

_The nearness of you_

The contentment of not being alone for what could almost seem like her whole life lifted such a burden, she remembered the look in his eyes when they had been at the opera. The one that made her feel this way, the one that told her she wasn't alone. She wanted so hard to believe that look.

"Spike?" Her voice sounded small perhaps even timid. She feared what the answer could be, but she needed to know she had so much hope resting on it.

"Faye," Spike held her face as she looked up at him fear tinged in her eyes. "Faye listen to me, I love you." Her face looked slightly shocked. He swallowed, _might as well get it all out since I'm spewing anyway._ "And I'm in love with you, now I can't speak for how you feel now, but I know you loved me once. And if that's all I can have then I can learn to deal with that, but I can't just walk away. I love you and Landis way to much for that. I know I'm not normal and adjusted like you and I know I'm probably not the best father or even role model for that kid. But I'm not gonna miss out on anything else, I missed too much already. And I-."

"Spike." She whispered leaning into him even further.

"Hmm" he mumbled, he had been waiting for her to throw him out and instead he felt her press into him. It was distracting to say the least.

She didn't look at him but kept her face pressed to his chest. "Shut up, you're killing my moment."

"Sor-"

"Shhh." She absentmindedly rubbed her face against his chest as she tried to keep comfortable.

_When I'm in your arms_

_And I feel you so close to me_

_All my, wildest dreams come true_

_I need no soft lights to enchant me_

_If you only grant me_

_The right to hold you ever so tight_

_And to feel in the night_

_The nearness of you_

_Mmmm__. Warmth. Sleeping is the best. Wait I hate to sleep. But when I'm sleeping I get to fly. Fly? _Faye. _Not right now I'm floating can you leave a message with my secretary. _Faye wake up. _Five more minutes.__ Hey what's happening to the warmth?_

"Faye, hey come on, open your eyes."

"What huh?" Faye blinked, she was still in her office Spike was kneeling in front of her holding her head and shoulder.

"You ah, fell asleep again, you should probably go to bed."

"I ah I guess."

Spike helped her up and lead her down the hall at her doorway she grabbed hold at the frame and turned around to face him.

Spike watched as she just stood there looking at him in her unreadable way. He moved closer to try and see. Closer it was almost there hidden just behind her eyes, he just needed a closer look. Almost there, a light reflected there in the corner of her eyes. If he could catch it then-

He reached out. A slight gasp and something smooth brushed against his mouth. Have to catch it. Her eyes grew wide then slid shut. There it was, he didn't really know what 'it' was but he had it now.

Spike stepped back breaking the unrealized kiss. Faye bit her lip and brought a hand to her face to cover the red tinge spreading across it.

"I ah, should go, to bed." Spike turned to start down the hall when her quiet voice stopped him.

"Don't."

He turned back to her.

She looked at the floor. "I can't sleep. I have nightmares, but when your there I. I forget about them." She looked up at him uneasily. "So stay please, I need this." She stopped herself as he took a step forward. "I don't-"

"I'll behave Faye, believe it or not I do know how to be civilized." He grinned. "Sometimes." He stepped forward into the doorway but she reached out to stop him.

"Just sleep, please. This is hard enough."

Spike lifted his hands in mock defeat. "I promise."

Faye stepped back to grab the door and as she began to close it Spike stared at her more then confused.

"umm. I'd like to change in privet if that's ok with you."

"Oh ok. I'll ah go get changed in my room."

When he had shut the door she carefully made her way to her dresser and began to rummage through her pajama clothes. It was hot, but she opted against shorts as the trail ends of her bruises may have shown. A sleeveless tee-shirt and loose plaid pants won out and she was just finishing working the shirt over her head when he knocked on the door.

After a few seconds the door opened a crack and his eyes inched around the corner. "Faye?"

"Its fine you can come in."

He stepped in leaving the door open a crack. He was clad as she had remembered as his nightly garb of only sweatpants.

_Just sleep_, she reminded that part of her self that had been so threatening earlier. Feeling more then a bit uncomfortable she slipped onto the bed squeezing her eyes closed praying that she had made the right choice. Her fears soon vanished as a heavy warm weight pressed against her back. _Hmmm.__ I could get used to this._ A heavy arm fell across her waist. Moments passed and the breathing behind her began to pattern.

"Spike." She whispered as sleep once again began to take hold of her.

"Yeah."

"Spike, I don't want you to be normal, I want you to be happy." She fell back into that dark warmness that had been so absent.


	9. A New Chance, but Old Habits Die Hard

11/1/06

Greetings all. Hisashibori desuYo. In English, DAMN I'VE BEEN GONE A LONG ASS TIME. Holy crap I just realized its been over two years. So much has changed I mean I hadn't even met my fiancé when I last updated this I cry a little bit because of that. I promise to continue and to have something out by the end of the month. Not saying much since its the first of the month now. Oh well. At least its something, yes?

Now then a titillating tidbit of what I have written of the chapter so far.'

**Family Ties**

**Chapter 9:** A New Chance, but Old Habits Die Hard

A bell ringing, the harsh invasion of her peaceful void. Faye blinked twice in an attempt to see through the light that attacked her vision.

The phone rang again.

She turned over to her other side to reach for the offending object coming face to face with Spike.

She jumped for a moment as her mind caught up with her already waking body. His eyes were closed, none of his body posture even hinted that he might have possibly been disturbed by the shrill ringing coming from the small black object behind him.

Again the phone sounded its call pulling her away from her voyeuristic interest.

Leaning over Spike she reached out for the receiver only to have her hand incased in a larger one and pulled back down.

"Let it ring." He told her with partially opened eyes.

"But it might…"

"They'll hang up soon, it's already rung like eight times."

"Then why didn't you get it?"

He shrugged as best he could from his prone position. Another ring.

"Don't…" he pulled her closer their faces nearly on each other. "Just let it ring."

Faye scrunched up her face but smiled.

Spike glared at her a moment, "What?" he asked looking confused.

"You have morning breath." She beamed.

"Really? It couldn't possibly be 'cause its morning?" she just smiled back. "Well I wouldn't want you to miss out on this rare moment." He leaned in pressing his lips to hers.

She parted her lips and pressed back. Shifting so he was leaning over her he took hold of the back of her neck giving himself more leverage. Faye followed suit, fingers wrapping around his shoulder. He pressed harder as his need caught up with his still sleeping brain. Spike's hand found its way down her back to her waist where he held loosely to the soft flesh. Faye gave a small whimper. Spike moved attacking her neck with his mouth. His hand spread feeling its way along her smooth skin. Another whimper .He could feel her pulse in her throat speeding up, her breathing becoming more erratic.

"Faye."

He played with a bit of flesh running his thumb along the shape of it. She gave the smallest of jolts. He looked up "Faye?"

She was biting her lip, her breathing bordered on hyperventilating. Her eyes were squeezed shut. She could hear his voice in her head; "You like that don't you, you filthy Whore." She had screamed as he pressed his finger into the wound on her leg penetrating her in two places at once. "Scream for more" She cried out again as he pressed deeper bruising inside so many places.

"Faye, are you ok?"

Fear glassed over her eyes as she opened them only to look away quickly.

"Oh shit, Faye." Her right hand rested over the cloth of the pant leg that held Spike's hand. She moved it away slowly stopping at the hem of her pants then moved it back down the cloth in tow.

_Hey, Faye doesn't ware underwear to bed All rig…. Agh, stop that! Why am I such a pervert! It's not my fault she's the one pulling down her pants. _

She stopped just revealing his hand, "He did that when I stopped fighting back, he didn't like to think that he couldn't hurt me anymore."

Spike moved his hand discovering that the interesting bit of skin he had been so lazily rubbing his thumb against was a scar on the upper part of her thigh. He jerked his hand back even more as if the scar was leaking something foul.

"I'm sorry." She looked at him, "I really do …, I just can't."

"Faye," He held her chin with his hand. "Never." he shook the bed slightly with the force of his words. "Never apologize for what happened. Just don't forget I'm here for you, ok?"

She gazed at him, he was so caring it was so different, so charming, so sweet, so… she smiled to herself, tried to stop and only ended up smiling more.

"What?" he asked her a small smile beginning to be infectiously transferred to him.

"You're so cute." She said bringing her fingers up to trace his jaw.

His smile dropped, "what?!"

"You are, with your vows of protection"

_No, the shrew had not just accused him of being sappy_. "Well fine if you…"

"I love you."

Spike's breath caught in his throat, only to be released in a sigh. "Evil wench."

"Lunkhead." She whispered back her voice holding a small smile in its airy passage. Spike leaned forward to kiss her again spurred on by the beginnings of banter. He moved back to her neck working with quick pecks this time instead of hungry kisses with which he intended to devourer her. She held him tightly and softly whispered his name. He was finding it hard to remember restraint, he had wanted her so badly for so long now, and was so close she was his, nearly.

"Marry me Faye." He spoke between kisses.

Faye blinked at first not sure of what she heard. "What?" She thought about it more, it hadn't even been a question it was more like a command. Spike didn't respond he just keep his attentions on her neck. No one commanded her to do anything. She pushed him back "_What did you say?_"

"I want you to marry me Faye." He leaned towards her again only to be meet with more resistance then he had thought she was capable of. "What, come on. Just say yes."

"No." Faye pushed him back more, finding it easier as he was thrown completely off guard by her response. He sat back staring at her and she sat against the head board refusing to look at him.

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean no." she still refused to look at him. For reasons she couldn't and didn't want to understand repeating herself felt like she was getting stabbed through the chest again. Her lower lip began to tremble and she knew if she looked at him she would just break. _Why is this so hard? I'm just saying no, its what I want to say isn't it. I don't want to marry Spike, do I? Oh God who am I kidding of course I do, then why am I saying no. He doesn't mean it, of course he doesn't he can't no way, I have to say no. If I said yes it wouldn't take him long before he realize what he said and took it back, or left again. I can't deal with that no, no, it must be no it can't be anything else._

"What the hell, well why the hell not." His voice was cold and grating on her ears.

"Because." She nearly whispered back it was so hard to keep it together; his voice frightened her a bit.

"Because what, look at me this is important, damn it Faye."

"Because I said so." She pushed her sentence out fast to keep the trembling from showing.

"Well that won't do." He grabbed her arm and pulled her towards him. "Give me a reason. Faye." He forced her to look at him. Her big eyes shimmered and wobbled filled with liquid. "Faye. Tell me." His voice was calmer.

She swallowed, "Because you don't really want to. You won't stay." She looked back down, "you never do."

He just looked at her, what she had said hurt, and he was surprised how much. "Faye, I won't leave."

"Yes, you will." She whispered.

"No Faye, I want to stay here now, I owe it to Landis to be here."

She didn't say anything, at first she didn't even move, then slowly she stood and putting her slippers on walked away from the bed. At the door she stopped and looked at the floor a moment.

"Faye?"

"I'm gonna make some tea, did you want coffee?"

"Faye." He got up and walked to her briskly. "What did I say, Faye? Talk to me, please."

She turned and left the room.

_What the hell just happened here? What did I say, Jezzze I swear I will never understand that woman. _

As he pressed his hands down onto the bed he felt something sticking out about a quarter of an inch from between the two mattresses. He pulled out a picture of himself, severely crinkled, he was laying on the couch smoking (how unusual for him). Ed had taken this picture he remembered with some piece of junk camera she found somewhere. She had snuck up on him and jumped up from behind the couch catching the image as he even registered her presence. As the flash momentarily blinded him he could hear Faye giggling slightly to herself.

"What are you looking at Shrew?"

"Nothing" she said between giggles. Ed leapt away from Spike as his ability to distinguish his surroundings returned.

"Look, look Faye-faye." Ed ran over to her pressing the display screen up towards the taller woman's face.

Spike remembered seeing Faye smile, but the confusing thing was it was a genuine smile not snide or mocking in any way. "I'd like a copy of this Ed."

He stared at her for a moment before she seemed to realize what she'd said. Suddenly her face changed and she added with a mocking tone. "It's not every day we can catch the lunkhead of guard even less rare to get proof. I'll have to keep it to remind myself that even the great Spike Spiegel is only human." She turned and left the room smiling to herself.

He had never actually seen the picture and he had thought it would have had him looking a lot more ridiculous then he did. He looked like he was almost still sleeping, his eyes only partially open his mouth curved slightly up with the content of sleep. The only hint that he had any idea of what was going on was a slight furrow that was starting to form on his brow.

Looking at it he suddenly remembered what Landis had said to him that first day they had meet. "I know who you are now." Landis told him as he ran up to him in front of this house. "You're the reason mommy's sad all the time, it's your picture she looks at when she's awake at night." This must have been that picture, crinkled and water marked from years of Faye pulling it out. Looking at it just to torture herself, he could see her sitting on her bed crying as she held the picture. Then she would take it and ball it up throwing it into the corner, most likely with curse, only to retrieve it later where she held it until exhaustion finally pulled her into sleep.

_Damn it why can't she see its different this time. I'm not just a picture anymore._ His frustration caused him to crush the picture crinkling it back along its old grooves. "You're the reason she cries when she looks at me sometimes." The small soft voice rang in his ears.

_Damn it I got to talk to Jet._ Tossing the crumpled mass across the room and leaving.

The house was impossible to see, traveling through the tunnel of trees even the sky was nearly impossible to see. Faye's face was a white spot in the dark brown green blur of the reflected trees. Half there, fading in and out among the trees. It made Spike think of when he saw her laying on those sheets fading away till she nearly blended with them. Spike watched her reflection the window, a ghostly shape among the trees. She hadn't spoken to him since she had walked out of the room this morning. It was starting to piss him off. Only the worst part was that fact that every time he got pissed off he just talked himself out of it. It made him feel almost as helpless as before, he was letting her walk all over him. _And what should I do instead force her into a corner? Make her feel even more threatened? There is no way that will end well. Kitty's got claws, or at lest she used to. Is it worse to attack something that can no longer defend itself? Definitely, yes._

Her eyes caught his; the translucent orbs gleaming from the trees they held and the two watched each other from the glass. After a spilt second eternity her image blinked away. Spike sat for a moment in shock before realizing she had just looked away from the window.

At last they rounded a bend and instead of trees they saw a river of grape plants set in rows running along until they were once again swallowed up by the sea of green surrounding them. A giant house rose up out of the ground in front of them but Faye hardly even looked at it. She was trying not to think. About Landis and what she was suppose to do now that he knew who Spike was because that only lead to thoughts of Spike and his absurd proposal this morning. This morning, the feel of Spike's hands, more importantly the feel of his mouth. It was incredible, it was exhilarating, it was horrifying, it made her feel so alive and yet so disgusted with herself that she wished she would have died. Even worse her self-disgust made her hate herself even more for ruining this chance with Spike. But, no it wasn't ruined was it? Instead of driving him away like she had feared it would have it drew him closer. And then he had purposed, Spike, Spike Spiegel, loner Spike who would never give up pining for his lost love, untouchable Spike, he had wanted to be hers, he wanted to be hers for the rest of his life. No, that wasn't true. "I owe it to Landis to be here" That's what he had said. He wasn't staying for her he was staying cause he thought he held some kind of parental duty to Landis. Obligation, not love. She was no ones obligation. She and Landis got along just fine without him she didn't need him to come along and suddenly take up this parental burden.

As the car pulled to a stop, Faye made up her mind. As soon as she was strong enough he was gone. It didn't matter what it did to Landis it would be better for him in the long run.

As Jet opened the door for her it started to rain. Spike got out from the seat in front of her and turned back to look at her leaning against the car door for support. When their eyes met, he knew, she had just closed him off again after everything they had gone through together and all that he knew she felt for him, she had brought her barriers back up. Possibly to never let them down again. As this understanding passed between them a small soft drop of rain landed below Faye's left eye and rolled down her cheek. Spike instinctively reached out to brush it away. Her eyes never left his and her hand lifted to wrap around his moving it from her face. Her voice was so airy it was almost like it came from the wind and not her lips. She turned and started away, leaving him standing by the car as her whisper blew around in his head.

"I'm sorry".

Ta da, well readers if there are anyof you still left out there I hope you enjoyed this and I hope you will review. I shall continue onward in my progression of this story hopefully soon hehe much sooner than my last anyway.

Byers, Tiffo


	10. Unthinkable

Behold I am married! Though I don't feel any different. Oh my god! An update no way. I apologize in advance as with the semester starting again who knows when my next update will be. I will finish this story if it takes me another 4 years.

**Chapter **(uhhh) **10**(I think Unthinkable

He watched her back as she slowly hobbled away Jet supporting her up the stairs. _I'm sorry._ It held him frozen. She sure wasn't acting like she was sorry. _She can't do this._ _It's not fair. Not after everything, she can't, she just can't._

"Spike, you coming or what kid?" Spikes mind cleared enough to see Jet looking over Faye's hunched form. She didn't look back.

"Yeah" Spike shut the two open car doors and plodded up the stairs behind him. Reaching the others he noticed Faye leaning a bit far back on the stairs and reached up placing his hand on her back to steady her. Faye started to sink into his hand and suddenly stiffened leaning forward the best she could. Spike tried to ignore it and pressed his hand against her harder.

When they reached the top of the stairs the doorway became shadowed by an ape of a man. Without thinking Spike moved himself in front of Faye glowering, with his hand resting lightly on the handle of his gun. Cro-Magnon man just glowered back his arms across his chest.

"Santino, are you trying to scare away guests again?" The voice was high and welcoming, and though slightly breathless with age Faye would have recognized it anywhere. Her head raised with the sound,

"Marcus?!"

"Ling Faye?! Santino for Christ's sake let them in."

The Beast moved aside and held the door open. Spike rushed in knocking into the unstable Faye and causing her to almost loose her footing. A short entry way and then Spike was in a massive room with a window for a wall. The dark mahogany flooring gleamed in the sun that poured through the wall reflecting the valley that stretched out before them. Spike almost gasped at the majestic expanse that was opened before him. The green rows and hills in the distance made the room appear as if it went on forever.

"Do you like my view young man?"

"I didn't realize there was anything this beautiful left on this hunk of a planet" Spike turned nonchalantly to the old man that was standing to his left. He didn't need to let it show that the old man had scared the crap out of him. The man was shorter than him, thin, no, frail was more like it. Still, his eyes had a fire in them, he may not be dangerous, but he was no push over either. Spike thought he would like him.

The old man took hold of Spike's arm, Spike looked down at him wearily.

"You must forgive the old, we can't always support ourselves." He smiled before continuing. "I find what you said hard to believe." He said turning away Spike from the window

"How's that?" Spike asked his eyes taking a moment to a just from looking into the bright landscape.

"Surely this planet still has other beauties that you know of." As Spike's vision cleared he saw Faye taking a few unsupported steps into the room.

"Yeah" She wavered a bit at first like a toddler, but as her eyes came on the men it became stronger.

The old man smiled and spread the arm that was not gripping Spike's. "Ling, you are even more beautiful than I remember."

"Marcus?" she was supporting herself, standing in front of them only slightly unsteadily.

"Si, la mia alba, its me." Faye crashed into the old man leaving Spike to support the both of them. Spike twisted the arm that was held by Marcus and placed it across the old man's back a support beam for the weight of their reunion. The pair didn't even notice him.

Marcus' age bent hand ran over his former wife's back soothing her with a grace and skill that made it hard for Spike to believe that they had been apart for around 60 years. He spoke to her softly in Italian, but what surprised Spike was when she looked back up at the old man she responded, in Italian no less. Wiping at her wet eyes she took a step back, Spike reached out fearing she would fall. His hand grabbed her shoulder, but her quick angry glance caused him to let go just as fast. _If she wants to fall on her ass than that's her prerogative_, Spike thought bitterly. She swayed slightly, but stood her ground.

Marcus looked at them for a moment. "Why don't we sit Faye, I'm afraid my old bones protest my insistence to rely on them." Marcus smiled to Spike and carefully walked Faye to the couch a few feet away.

"Marcus, tell me where is Alexandria? Is she coming here? When can I see her?"

The old man frowned and griped Faye's hands tighter in his own.

"She died, my dawn, so many years ago."

"Oh." She bit her lip to control her emotions. "I… I…"

Spike felt such an urge to grab her up into his arms, she must be hurting so much. _What the hell, has gotten into me? Why am I so over protective of her? __She did just about die like two__ months ago. __Probably it._

"I don't und… when? How?"

"It was about 25 years ago. She and her husband had moved to Mars. I told them not to go I tried to explain to them about the threat of other families that had disappeared when she was still very young." The man's head fell into his hands "I'm so sorry Ling Faye I should have kept her safe. I failed her as a father and I failed you."

"Marcus, please. You know that's not true."

"I'm sorry I'm just an old fag who can't even speak in civilized conversations any more."

"Marcus, don't say that." After a moment he pulled himself together again.

"Right, so the tale. She and her husband had moved to Mars just a few years before it happened. I had told them not to go, you know how unsafe Mars is, and you know what kind of people live there." Spike scoffed softly, it was true though he was still slightly insulted. "I had heard that parts of the old syndicates had moved up there and I told them that it would be especially dangerous for people in our family. Alex wouldn't listen; I don't think she ever really understood the nature of our families and what that meant for our lives. I had kept her safe here for so long that she didn't realize that the threats outside were real." He held tightly to Faye's hands. "They had been there about three years when it happened. I had gotten lax, I had had men up there watching them, but after three years I started to believe her when she told me that I was just being paranoid.

He told a deep breath and chocked back a single sob. "When we found them, it was horrible, Brandon and Jasper were in the front hall by the door." Faye looked at him confused. "Oh yes, Brandon was her husband and Jasper was her son."

"She had a son" Faye's face lit in motherly pride.

"She had two. Jasper, the older, was fourteen and Markie was only twelve."

He sighed continuing his tale. "Brandon and Jasper had been shot in the back. Alex, she… she had been in the kitchen. She tried to crawl to Markie's room, but she only made it to the door." He looked at her intently. "I'm sorry Ling if I hadn't been such a stupid food you would have been able to see your daughter again and you would have met your grandchildren. Forgive me Ling."

Spike was surprised when he looked at Faye, he had expected the woman to be crying or something, but she just sat there trying to comfort Marcus.

"There is nothing to forgive. She was the one who wanted to live there in the first place, but then I suppose what are my genes good for if not to make someone foolish and headstrong. To me she has been gone for so long, it's almost a relief to know the truth."

"Let us not dwell on the pain of the past. So, La mia alba they tell me that you have a son."

"Yes," Faye's face visibly brightened and Spike felt his own small swell of pride at the mention of the boy. "His name is Landis, he'll be eight in just a few months."

"Belecimo. Does he have your beautiful eyes my dear?"

" No" she laughed a little, "no he uh" she unconsciously looked up at Spike. _Faye, you're __an adult__ start acting like one_. His amazing mismatched gaze held her. _I hate myself for being like this, what is wrong with me. Why do I act so petty?_ "he has his father's eyes." Marcus followed her gaze and watched a spellbound Spike.

"I see," Marcus' tone was slow and thoughtful. "Well I wish you would have brought him. I do love children especially if they are related. I feel I never got to spoil my grandchildren enough."

"Oh, well he's with a friend. Life is a little complicated at home right now."

"Oh yes, your home! How is it, not to small I hope? You know you can have as much of a house as you need, money is not an object now that you are back with your family. Oh no, you aren't near one of those meteor zones are you?"

"No, no Its fine, we are fine, we are… safe." She continued to stare at Spike.

"Come now my beauty, you must be hungry and tired. We shall eat and then we will retire to the den to relax."

Spike found himself continuing his role of watcher at dinner as the closeness between the couple began to fill the sixty some year gap that had driven them apart. As the ties reformed more and more stories of their life together flowed between them. After dinner the reunion continued as photographs were produced. The smiling face of young Faye once again presented itself to the crew of the Bebop. Spike feigned indifference forcing himself to only look at pictures when prompted or when no one else would notice. He was not going to show interest in Faye's old life if she was so intent on excluding him from this one. He was making good work of ignoring the photos until Marcus asked him to pull a new album from the shelf for him. Spike grabbed it without a response, but when he went to hand it to the old man he refused to take it.

"No, no my boy. I believe I have promised Mr. Black a chance to look at some old information on Ling and I's fathers. You can hold the album for her she should know what all the pictures are." The two older men stood Jet helping Marcus up, then with a smug look on both of their faces they left the room.

Spike sat on the couch placing the book between him and Faye. She glanced at it then picked it up opening the cover to reveal a young man standing next to a young Faye. They were on a grassy rise that over looked a patch of blue ocean. His breath caught as he saw it, she had never looked so elegant or so timid. She was in a white satin dress that poured over her like white shimmering water. It made her eyes glisten.

"He looks so different now." Faye's voice pulled him from his entrapment.

"Hmm?" He shifted so that he was nearer to her.

"Marcus. He was so beautiful back then, so handsome I suppose. Men aren't beau…" She trailed off staring at him then quickly looked back down. Spike had to wonder if he had just seen a blush on her pale cheeks. His thoughts were interrupted as she spoke again.

"Now he's just old. The only thing that looks the same are his eyes. A misty gray like fog over the vineyard. I always told him that he could keep anything secret in those eyes of his." A sad smile fell on her face. " I should be old like him, old," she ran her hand over the picture, "or dead. Really, I should be dead." She bit her lip and started flipping quickly over sections. She stopped on a page full of pictures of the little girl that Spike had seen a picture of at her house. _What was her name again?_

"Alexandria." Faye whispered, as she ran her thumb over the pictures desperately trying to feel her lost daughter through them.

"She looks like you." He spoke softly so as not to break the moment that Faye was living in.

She smiled slightly, "not really, only my hair, she had Marcus' eyes and nose." She was silent and he could hear as her tears hit the pages with soft plops. She wiped at her face and the pages and laughed. "I was just thinking how my children never seem to look like me, they always look like their father." She stared at him as if scrutinizing whether or not his looks were good enough for her son.

"Well at least we know that Landis will be a stud when he grows up."

Faye laughed again and shook her head. " It's amazing how you can make me laugh or piss me the hell off with just a few words."

"I'm pretty sure that I have mastered most of your buttons by now."

She laughed again and looked back at the album, turning the page it showed her and her old family on the beach.

Spike watched her look at the pictures. "I'm glad your not dead Faye. I know it sounds dumb, but it was so tangible of an idea recently that I don't like to hear you say that."

"Spike, you don't…"

"No, wait if I'm gonna sit here and act like some kind of love sick kid then let me get it all out of my system at once. Faye I'm glad you're not old cause it means that I have a chance to grow old, you know, uh with you."

"Spike that is the sweetest thing you have ever said to me, but you don't have to say things like that, we both know that isn't really what you want. I'm just some loudmouth tomboy with an attitude problem remember. Just because we have a son and just because we might have thought that we had feelings for each other because of that doesn't mean you need to throw away the rest of your life. All we do is fight, you know that's true, it would only lead to more aggravation and Landis doesn't need to grow up in that kind of environment and neither do we." He hadn't even noticed, but she was holding his hand in both of hers and now she gave it a soft squeeze. "I'm sorry if you didn't see that yet, it will stop hurting I promise. You'll see its better this way."

Spike pulled away from her. "The hell it is." He stood his anger starting to boil up again. " I don't know what the fuck you have convinced yourself of, but you are way wrong. I have put up with this shit since I've seen you again. You want me, you don't, you do, you might, you don't, you just want our son to be happy. That's right Faye _**our**_ son, not just yours mine too. For some reason you think that he can only be happy if I'm not around, well I think that that is bullshit. He's my son and I'll be damned if you are going to keep him away from me again. Besides making this all about Landis is bullshit anyway. This" he waved his arms between them, "_this_ has jack to do with Landis, this has everything to do with us and you and your God Damned stupid pride. You and me are a strange pairing, I'll admit it, but its one that I've grown attached to. I don't know why you keep trying so hard to keep me out, when if you would just open your eyes you would see that I am already there. And _that_ is exactly where I want to be, so tell me Faye. How can I convince you that everything that used to mean something to me is gone and all I fucking ever think about is you and how much I need to be with you and Landis."

He kneeled in front of her trying to force her to meet his gaze. "Faye, Faye" She looked up at him briefly and looked away again.

"I want to believe you."

He sighed, "then believe me. It's the truth." He leaned in and kissed her capturing her mouth before anything else unwanted could escape from it. She relaxed into him closing her eyes, but was jolted back to reality by a small moan that escaped her own throat. She backed up shaking her head slightly.

"You may think that it's the truth _now_, but soon you'll get tired of playing house with Landis and I and I don't think I have the strength to heal the heart of my son as well as myself."

"Faye, I won't…" Spike stopped as he heard Jet and Marcus reenter the room.

"Oh dear, we weren't interrupting anything were we?"

"Actually…" Spike growled, he found himself beginning to like the old man less and less.

"No." Faye cut him off. "Spike was just helping me put away this album." She pushed the book at him and he caught her wrist and her eye sharply.

His mind continued fuming as he pushed the album back into its place. A loose photo fluttered to the floor its white back glaring at him. He opened his mouth to ask the annoying old man where he was supposed to put it when he froze. Cold grey eyes glared back at him from the picture. Eyes he knew, and a face that he had convinced himself he would never see again.

"What is this?" The threesome across the room looked up at him. "What the hell is this old man? You think this is some kinda joke?" He walked in quick strides to Marcus who took the glossy paper.

"This," he said matter of factly in a cold tone that Spike hadn't heard him use before, "is the last picture I have of Mark my younger grandson. I had some investigators try to track him down they sent me that and then I stopped hearing from them."

"You're lying old man"

"Lying, why would I lie about such a thing. Really Mr. Speigal you don't make any sense."

"You have to be lying. He can't be your grandson."

"Why is that?"

"Because this man can't be Faye's grandson."

"Well I assure you he is."

"Spike, what's up?" Jet asked as Faye reached for the photo and said,

"Spike what are you…" her voice locked up as she saw the picture.

"Spike…" Jet repeated desperately unnerved by the sight of Faye's voice stopping and her eyes widening.

"It's Vicious!"

"No, no, no no no no." Faye's voice was lost under the ringing left by Spike's shout. As the room was swallowed up by the lack of sound they all looked at Faye. She held the picture as if transfixed. She was still muttering, but it was more air than voice. She was beginning to shake slightly growing from an indistinct tremor to full body quakes. The pressure built up till she exploded, throwing the picture as if it burned her. The color quickly drained from her face and she reached out for Spike. Using him to help her stand she looked up at him tears already streaming down her face.

"Spike." Her voice was still so airy you could hardly hear it.

"Yes" _anything. Anything you need__ what, what do you need of me_.

"Take me to the bathroom, I, I think, I'm gonna be sick."


	11. Anything, but that

**Chapter 11**: Anything… but That

He had taken her to the bathroom, he had crouched with her there on the cold marble floor until his legs were frozen and his knees burned against the cold. He had kneeled there with her until her heaves left her exhausted her hair caked to her face and neck with sweat; then he transferred the semi-conscious woman to the shower sitting with her until the water ran cold. She had been nearly unconscious as he took her soaking wet form to the room that Marcus had set up for her. Placing her in a high backed chair he bent down to take off her sopping shoes and socks silently apologizing to the old man for most likely ruining this expensive looking piece of furniture. It was when he went to unbutton her shirt that she finally responded with a cold hand on his own and with a soft voice she asked him to stop.

He looked up at her face, her eyelids hung droopily and her eyes still held a glazed quality. He looked back at her shirt despite it's being august she was wearing long sleeves, he had noticed that she had taken up the practice since returning home, to counter act this the material of the shirt was tissue paper thin and in turn now clung to her like a second skin, a second see-through skin to be more exact.

"What, there's nothing under there I haven't seen before." He said trying to lighten the mood as he reached for the buttons once more.

"Please stop", her voice was distant, she didn't even turn to look at him.

"You're all wet, come on this is no time for modesty" he accentuated his words by tugging on the bottom of the garment.

"Please…" she continued staring off into the room.

He ignored her ramblings and once again reached for the buttons of her shirt he got the top three undone, but as he reached for the fourth his finger brushed against the wet flesh of her scar. Spike pulled his finger back, but not before Faye noticed it and all hell broke loose.

As Spike pulled away Faye let out a screech that sent him reeling backwards across the room.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!!!" Reaching a higher pitch then Spike would have thought possible Faye's screeching left a chilling silence that lingered beyond it.

Only Moments passed before Jet Slammed through the half closed door. Silence still held the room as time passed and Marcus was able to join them.

"What's going on here Spike?!" Jet was using his angry father voice again and one of the things that always pissed Spike off about that tone was that it actually made him feel like the insolent child Jet was accusing him of being. Spike just stared at Jet.

"Spike!"

"What! I didn't do anything, she just started screaming." _It wasn't me Daddy, I was being good_.

The explanation wasn't enough apparently. "That's funny because I was under the impression that when somebody starts screaming 'don't touch me' it's because somebody is touching them."

"But I… I wasn't doing … stupid woman always getting me in trouble." Spike was mumbling to himself by the end.

Marcus had been walking up to Faye as the other two argued. He spoke softly to her in Italian, soothing her with a practiced hand.

"Please Marcus, don't let him look at me, I can't…"

"Ling, what do you mean?"

"Don't come near me, don't look at me!" she started screaming again covering her face with her arms when Spike's face appeared over Marcus' shoulder. Marcus straightened up and turned to the men behind him.

"If you would please leave, Mr. Spiegel."

"Let me just talk to her."

"It seems she does not wish to talk to you, you have watched over her all this time perhaps now it is time for someone else to handle things for a little while. Now maybe a good time for you to change out of your own wet clothes I took the liberty of having your things put next door."

"Whatever you say old man." Spike left with a brooding Jet following behind him, he could hear Marcus' soft voice as they walked away.

"Come on Ling lets get you dry and warm."

In the room Spike immediately started taking off his wet clothes kicking off his shoes and peeling the soaking socks from his feet, a soft click of the door latch told him that he wasn't alone.

He sighed. "What Jet?"

"I'm just waiting Spike"

"Waiting for what?!" He yelled more than he meant to, but he was just getting so annoyed with everything that was happening. He pulled his shirt off over his head and threw it to the floor.

"Waiting for you to explain just what is going on."

"Nothing, nothing was going on. I wasn't touching her."

"Oh so her blouse just happened to be open on its own."

"WHAT?!"

Jet just stared at him.

"This is bullshit! I spend all this time trying to take care of her and what do I get, she starts screaming at me for no reason and you think I'm trying to cop a feel. What the hell!" Spike emphasized his point by kicking the bed leg. "DAMNIT!!" He sat on the bed rubbing his now aching toes. "What kind of sick perv do you think I am; I couldn't save her from it last time, I couldn't…"

"What are you talking a…" Jet trailed off his face slack in confusion suddenly his jaw clenched. "Are you telling me that Faye was raped? That Vicious?"

"When I found her she was… her clothes they…the doctors they told me that she would be ok, they put her in surgery they said that, that there wasn't any 'permanent damage', they promised me that she would get better. But they can't fix everything." Spike looked back up at Jet with questioning eyes, "you didn't know?"

"Well she certainly never told me, all I ever heard from the doctors was about her other injuries. Wait I remember when I picked her up there was something, they were talking to her about counseling I just thought it was some kind of Post dramatic stress program or something I mean when they mentioned it to her she told them to shove their counseling up their asses. I thought it was a good sign, you know that she was getting back to normal." Jet grimaced as a new though suddenly struck him, "Wait, but if Vicious was, oh shit that's just messed the hell up."

"Yeah, sick isn't it. Product of some kinda sick psyche if you ask me. Shit, I mean I want to help her I just was never very good at the whole comforting thing and this well this is _way _out of my league."

A soft knock at the door penetrated the doubt and confusion that clustered in the room. A moment later Marcus entered and Spike watched him wearily preparing himself for another set of accusations.

"She is going to sleep now, I tried to make her as comfortable as possible. I told her that she must not focus on it, but think of brighter things like her son and her friends and family. I told her to take her time though and that she would find her own way to get past it. I, I saw the mark on her chest, is that where he stabbed her?" The silence that greeted him answered him well enough.

The old man sighed. "She is so different, I don't know what to say to her. She used to be so happy so full of life, now she is…"

"Broken." Spike filled in, imagining the hollow look that was in her eyes as they had made the last legs of their trip here.

"It's my fault I should have done a better job of keeping track of her when she was frozen, it was just such ciaos after the accident. I never thought she would make it anyway the technology was so new, so untrustworthy."

"You're not the only one who failed her old man," Spike murmured. "So don't go beating yourself up about it."

"Well" Marcus looked up at the taller men his voice slightly less weary "I don't know about the two of you, but I could use a drink; would you strapping young gentlemen care to join me in the study."

"That sounds like the best thing I have heard all day" Spike responded a weight lifted from his own frame. He stepped forward only to be rebuked by Marcus.

"Oh no my dear boy you aren't going anywhere until you take off those clothes" Spike started to smirk at the old man's humor only to be disconcerted by the fact that Marcus stood watching him seemingly very much rooted to the spot.

A sound of uncertainly passed from Spike and he looked to Jet for some form of assistance or reassurance. Jet just shrugged.

Marcus gave a slight sound of appreciation at the damp and shirtless Spike before him. "Romanesque."

Spike paled slightly as the elderly man finally turned and walked from the room.

"Jet, did Faye's ninety year old gay husband just hit on me?" The other man didn't respond instead he just turned and headed for the door.

The deep sounds of Jet's laughter followed behind him and Spike felt color returning to his face though too much of it.

"So next thing we knew she was just there a part of the ship, I never could figure out why she stayed…"

"Or why we didn't turn her in for the money." Spike interjected, Jet gave him a stern look "well at least I wondered that."

"Imagine it my little Ling dressed so skimpily and off chasing bounties, she's like a different person, though she did always love poker Anthony taught her and she was immediately hooked though she only played at home she never would have had the nerve to actually go to a casino she was always afraid she would end up loosing and disgracing her family. Her family was always first in her mind you see, I suppose that if you didn't understand that most of the choices that Ling made would seem confusing to you. "

"Like why she agreed to marry some fag when she was sixteen." Spike couldn't help, but sound disgruntled. It just stung that she had agreed to such a ridiculous proposal and yet she could refuse him so openly.

"Spike, really man have some tact, we don't have to be punished because you can't get Faye to want to be with you."

" Drop it Jet," he knew that telling his folliclely challenged companion about his botched proposal had been a mistake, but he had needed to talk to someone about it.

"All I'm saying is that its time the two of you started acting like adults, yes _both_ of you, you both have been brooding around like a couple of teenagers your feelings obvious to everyone except for yourselves apparently. So why don't you do us all a favor and man up about it. If she said no she said no, I'm sure she has her reasons" Spike opened his mouth to interject, but Jet continued before he had the chance. "Yes, I'm sure that her reasons are no good, but they are her reasons and no amount of bitching on your part is going to make her change her mind she has to do that for herself. So drink your whiskey and stop being such a whiney ass bitch." Jet accentuated his point by downing what was left in his glass and pouring himself another.

An unpleasant silence lingered after Jet's small tirade Spike thought about just getting up and leaving, but the old man's voice broke him out of his sulking.

"Mr. Spiegel have you ever heard Ling Faye sing? I don't mean like at a club or anything I mean to herself."

"Heh, she sings off key, I can't imagine any club taking her in."

"So you have," the old man smiled, " that's good."

"I guess, if you like having your ears assaulted."

"I can't say I remember it being as bad as all that, but I can say that the Ling Faye I knew only sang like that in her most private and contented of moments. I remember when she was pregnant she would go out into the garden, that house had the most magnificent sculpted garden, and she would sit on the bench singing to the baby. I only caught her a few times; she would stop if she heard me coming. Her singing was something private between herself and those she cared most deeply for and I was an outsider not quite nestled deeply enough into her heart to be allowed access to that part of her. And I was glad, because it made me realize that underneath this obedient girl there was a passionate woman and that despite our awkward situation she could find some happiness."

Spike sat quietly for a few moments wondering, _had she sung when she stitched me up knowing I might have heard her, had she been so happy near me even then. Had she sung when she was pregnant with Landis? Had carrying my child made her happy?_ He sighed. _ How could it she had been alone, hurt , struggling to survive and then she found out that I hadn't just abandoned her I had abandoned her and had left her with one more burden to bear. I'm surprised she didn't get rid of it._ The thought made his stomach lurch. He suddenly felt very tired. He stood and turned to leave the room.

"Spike-o where you going, buddy." _Humph, has the nerve to call me buddy after he bitches at me like that_.

"To bed." Spike left the two other men to look at each other in confusion. The last thing he heard before moving out of earshot was a Jet's whispered response to some unspoken question.

"I don't know, I don't even bother trying to figure out those two anymore."

Shutting the door to his temporary room Spike pulled his shirt over his head and sunk onto the side of the bed. Moments latter a band of light fell over him alerting him to the fact that once again someone was taking it upon themselves to invite themselves into his room.

"Look Jet, I'm just not in the mood to hear you bitch at me again so can you make it short I just want to go to…" Spike turned to the door, but it wasn't filled by the massive form of his partner instead the light framed a small figure in a pale green nightgown. "Faye" his voice was no more than a whisper, afraid that anything more might scare her away. She didn't respond, instead she just shut the door closing her and Spike back into the darkness of the room. He lost sight of her for a moment as his eyes once again had to readjust to the light difference. When she came into view he almost jumped she was standing right in front of him. She was looking at the floor her pale skin and pale gown beginning to glow from the soft moonlight that made it into the room. To his disbelief she came nearer pressing her hips between his legs bringing their bodies together in a multitude of places. "Faye, what are you?" A soft finger pressed against his lips.

"Shhh," her finger trailed away from his lips and down his throat. He shivered the situation was beginning to make things uncomfortable in more ways than one. He was about to start questioning her again when even softer lips replaced the finger on his throat and his breath hitched. _ Am I dreaming? What is she doing? Uhhh, and why hadn't she started sooner._ The soft fingers had found their way to his chest and were moving deftly over the creases of his skin. He lifted a hand and ran it up along her body grabbing a hand full of her soft hair. His first thought was, _God everything about her is so soft_. But his second was more pressing, _Why did she stop?_ Upon touching her the tender care had ceased for only the briefest of seconds before continuing again. Something felt different though. Seconds later Spike realized that the hands that had been moving with such skill before were shaking slightly and then he realized that his neck was becoming much wetter than Faye's small kisses should have made it. "Faye?" he pulled back on her head, but she resisted. "Faye, what the hell…" She stopped resisting and allowed herself to be pulled off of the man. "What are you do-"

"You love me don't you Spike." He voice was quiet, fragile even.

"I've only been trying to explain that to you for the past few weeks."

"Then would you do me a favor?

"Anything."

"Take me."

"What?!"

OO! Oh my!


	12. Second Chances

Gasp! An update within 6 months of the last one. Yeah, I should be wring my final papers (my final final papers might I add, as I graduate from college in 2 weeks gone from school forever! YAY! Unless I go to grad school () no must not thin about it. Sweet freedom!), but back from my rant. Instead of wriing those I got this chapter and a part of the next done. SOoo exciting. I only plan on having a few more chapters for this one and then I might branch out into gasp _Other series_ I know it's a shock, but I mean afer 4 year writing for one show I probably should expand a bit. Hope to update soon! TTFN!

PS. I have been reading Hana Kimi recently it is good if you haven't read it u should, and the live action Japanese TV Drama is Hii-larious! Nakatsu soo cute! Ok that's all then.

**Chapter 12:** **Second Chances**

"Take me, here on the bed or the floor if you prefer." She still hadn't looked at him she couldn't bare to let him see her fear.

"But Faye, why are you-"

"Don't you want me Spike?" She accentuated her question by running her hands down her own body pressing the thin material closer to her form.

"God, yes." Spike swallowed. She was so tempting, but a little voice in the back of his head told him that something wasn't right. "Faye, look at me."

She didn't move. She couldn't look at him if she did wouldn't be able to keep herself from running away. She gathered her resolve and tried again. "Spike," she purred in what she hoped was a convincingly sexy voice, "I want to feel you in…" she choked, god she couldn't even get the sentence out how was she going to get through this.

Spike was standing in front of her now his hand forcing her head up. She fought him, but he was always so much stronger than her. Her chin clinched tightly in his hand their eyes finally met and apart from the sparking tears that glistened at the edges of her eyes he saw the fear and the truth that she was trying so desperately to hide from him.

"What are you doing Faye? You don't want this."

She gathered what was left of her draining courage and pushed back the fear hooding her eyes with the best come hither stare she could muster. She draped her arms over his shoulders "Of course I do, I've waited for so long I want to feel you again Spike, I need you.". If she stuck with the truth than maybe she would be able to get through this; it was true that she had more than once longed for the feeling of his hands along her body over the past eight years, and the fact that the idea just so happened to make her flesh crawl at the current moment did not make the statement any less true, right?

She suddenly found herself shoved against the wall that had been a few feet behind her, the jolt to her head instantly bringing back the fear to her eyes. Spike slammed his body against hers a hard warm part of his own body connecting violently with the corresponding part of her own; a small cry escaped her before she could stop it.

"What Faye, this is what you want isn't" he rammed his hips into hers again. "For me to rip off your clothes and pound into you against this wall", another thrust, she could feel the tears threatening 

to spill over. "You want to feel my cock slam into you again and again until you beg for mercy, right?" He rammed her again and she cried out again hot tears now flowing down her face. "Right?" This time he just slammed her whole body against the wall.

Her whole body shook, but she was determined she had to do this she had to. Her lips trembled so badly she could hardly get them to obey her. "Y-ye-yes" she squeaked out, before her sobs just took over her whole body. Spike let go of her causing her to slide to the floor. She huddled there trying to control the waves of emotions that were breaking over her. Spike stepped back fury and disgust causing him to shake also. Disgust; disgust with himself and what he had just done to her, disgust with her and the fact that she was so broken that she hadn't fought him. He felt his throat lurch and fought to hold back the bile that was pushing to force its self free from his stomach.

"Shit Faye, what the hell is wrong with you."

She huddled there a moment more before she looked at him fear crazed eyes boring into his own. "Please." She cried reaching out for him. "Please Spike, I'm sorry I won't cry this time. I won't I'll be good. I'll be quiet." Spike felt his whole body jerk this time as the bile very nearly broke free. She screamed and looked away. "I know, I'm disgusting. Sometimes I want to vomit when I look at myself too. But please, if you love me, just this once ignore what kind of filth I am and please…" She reached for him again and when her hand brushed up against his leg he jumped back as if burned.

"No, no. Faye what are you talking about why are you doing this?"

"Please," She begged. "Please, I can't stand to have him be the last one to touch me I just can't. I wash and I wash and I can't scrub it off of me. I fall asleep and he's there touching me with his cold hard hands, ripping into my flesh. Pouring his taint into me so deeply that I can't get it out. Please Spike, I need your help, I need you to get it out. I need you to bore him out of me."

He kneeled in front of her, cupping her face in his hand. "Faye, I, I had no idea."

"So you'll do it?"

He smiled sadly at her, "No, Faye." She shook her head fresh tears welling up.

"No?"

"I won't rape you just so you can forget about how he raped you."

"No, no I want this, it isn't rape, its consensual."

"Faye, you cringe every time I touch you, it won't be consensual."

"But, I."

"Faye, I love you and I can't think of anything that would give me more pleasure than feeling you shiver beneath me, but I have to know that it isn't fear casing it otherwise I could never forgive myself." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him.

"Spike ?'

"Yes?"

"Can I spend the night with you, like when we were home. Being near you seems to make the nightmares stop."

"Of course."

They moved to the bed Faye curled around him pulling the sheet up to her chin were it rested on his chest. His right arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder while his other came to rest on the smooth surface of her stomach. As they lay drifting from consciousness his hand began making small circles across the smooth surface. Faye could feel herself being drawn ever closer towards sleep the comfort of his hand resonating throughout her whole body. An unconscious sigh slid from her lips and she felt something new build inside of her something that she thought she would never enjoy again.

Hearing her sigh Spike had to force back his own recognition of how intimate their moment was. Rubbing his hand on her stomach made him wonder what she had been like pregnant. Had she sung like Marcus said? Or had she been completely miserable? He just had this _need _to know, he needed that he had done more than make her life a living hell, had he ruined what was left of her life. Was she holding back some kind of resentment over it, was that why she refused him? Could she love his child from the beginning or did she have to learn to love him despite the connection he posed.

"Faye?"

"Yes?" Her voice was soft and growing fainter.

"What was it like when you had Landis?"

She was silent of a moment. "Painful."

"Oh." He felt the guilt settling in.

"And Wonderful." She curled deeper into him. "It hurt more than I had remembered, the pregnancy had caused a lot of my memories of Alex and Marcus to come back. Apparently I had lied to myself about how much it would hurt. Oh, but holding him for the first time I had forgotten what that had been like to, it's the most amazing feeling." She smiled to herself.

"Did uh, you sing to him when you were pregnant? "

"To Landis?"

"Yeah."

"Of course, I still do he's my baby." Spike was instantly reminded of when he had found them. After freeing her from the bed she had gone to Landis trying to hold the boy as best she could and has sung softly to him, trying so desperately to find comfort for them both.

"Faye?"

"Yes?"

"Never mind."

They fell into silence once again. Sleep called out, pulling her deeper with each warm caress of her middle. Unfortunately Spike found himself kept from sleep, by yet another loose thread of their past.

"Faye?"

"Hmmm?"

"Why didn't you tell me when I left? About Landis."

The question pulled her from her soft doze.

"Would you have stayed?"

"No." He didn't pause to pretend to think, that just would have been insulting to her. He had done what he had to do at the time and no information would have changed his mind, she knew that and so to act like she didn't would be an insult to her intelligence.

"I didn't think so." She tried to hold back the bite in her response, she knew that who he was back then had to go, but that didn't mean she had to like it. It didn't mean that it didn't hurt just a much. It was just a bitter subject.

"Are you pissed at me?"

"No, besides I didn't know."

"Didn't know what?"

"That I was pregnant, not that I would have told you if I had. There wouldn't have been much of a point."

"You are pissed."

"No I'm not."

"You are pissed."

"No I'm not."

"Whatever."

"I'm not pissed at you, I was. When you left and you abandoned Jet and I because of some stupid-." She cut herself off, she was making herself angry all over again and she didn't want to piss him off.

"Stupid, What?" To late, she sighed he sounded totally pissed.

"Stupid nothing." She sounded angry still too; she tried to calm herself before she continued. If they both got pissed they would just end up circling down the drain again.

"I didn't mean anything, I'm not mad at you I'm mad at the situation. It wasn't fair. To either of us. We couldn't have both gotten what we wanted that day and I happen to draw the short straw. But in the end I guess it did work out."

"What do you mean?"

"You needed to face your past, get rid of that life once and for all and I needed a reason to live this new life that I had fallen into. When you left, at first I thought it was more proof that I wasn't supposed to be alive." She was silent for a time, bearing all took more courage than she had realized, but she was committed, _I know I should trust him; I know I can trust him. Please let me trust you I just don't want to get hurt anymore_.

"Then I found out that I was pregnant and that you were alive all on the same day."

It was like the universe just came up and slapped me in the face. I realized that someone  
could out live their past and that maybe there was hope for the future. So, no I'm not mad at you anymore. It still hurts sometimes when I think about those days and what it took for me to be able to figure that all out, but by this point I am actually grateful because in the end you were the one who gave me a reason to live. You gave me my real second chance."

She tightened around him embracing him with all the strength she could muster. Partially from a flowery emotion that was causing her cheeks to burn, but mostly from the fear of how he might react to hearing her spout off all this mushy stuff about how he was so integral to her life.

She needn't have worried for as much as her confession was surprising to him he never would have been able to lash out. As soon as her slim arms burrowed into him he just melted away. It was indescribable it made his chest ache and his whole body feel as if he could float away.

He wrapped his arms around her pressing her even closer. "I love you Faye."

She looked up into his face; _I just have to see if he's sincere, please be sincere_. Her eyes went glassy and he began to worry that she would start crying again.

"Faye?" He cupped her face in his palm, desperately thinking of ways to keep her  
from crying.

"I'm sorry," a tear slippe ddown her cheek. "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch. I'm sorry I wouldn't trust you, I wouldn't believe you. I wanted to so badly, but I was just so afraid. I couldn't let myself fall in love with you again just so I could loose you, again."

He ran his fingers through her hair "But I told you I wasn't going anywhere, you crazy  
shrew."

"Don't make fun of me."

"Oh where's the fun in that."

She hit him on the chest playfully, "Lunkhead."

"Romani."

"Gauj-" she was cut off as his lips came crashing down on her own.

He hadn't meant to kiss her, he didn't want to kiss her, well of course he did, but he didn't want to kiss her until she wanted him to. Her closeness had been plaguing him since they had first laid down, but he had been able to keep any physical needs at bay because of the seriousness of the conversation and the situation. Then the feeling of the room had changed and he found his resolves weakening.After 

finally regaining control of his body he pulled back prepared for whatever his attack might have triggered.

She reached her hand up and pulled him back down, softly sealing their lips once again.  
The burning recklessness of their last encounter was replaced by a cooling smoothness.

Their movements were slow, this time it was about understanding and they focused on the  
feel of each other, lest any of the other obstacles in their lives try and disrupt them. When the fear started to seep in she just held him closer. He lead their actions slowly weary of her physical and emotional bruises. When the tears came she couldn't help but smile, the pain, the regret, the fear they all washed away in a salty stream that was quickly wiped away by smooth fingers and softer lips. When he felt the pleasure ripple over her he almost lost control, instead he burned it into his memory.

In the end they curled together their noses nearly touching and he ran his hand through  
her hair in a futile attempt at untangling it.

"Faye?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

They once again laid there allowing sleep to drift nearer.

" Faye?"

"Hmm?"

"I really do love you."

"I know baby." Faye's voice was soft and slowed with sleep she tried to reassure him with  
a pat on the shoulder, but all she could manage was a sloppy hand to fall down his arm.

"Faye... I uh, have a confession to make."

She made an almost imperceptible sound which he accepted as a prompt.

"You know that night."

She didn't respond at all this time, but he continued anyway.

"I wasn't really all that drunk."

He waited a moment, but when she didn't respond he let himself settle and fall into  
formless contentment.

Hope you enjoyed bye for now!

Tiffo !


End file.
